I think some sex positions are sinful

Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old woman and I am having problems with my husband. I got married 10 months ago.

I started to attend church, but my husband does not. Before we got married, we were sexually crazy. There is no position that we did not do, and we had fun doing kinky stuff. I used to like doing '69', but since I have been going to church and I have got deeper in studying the Bible, I don't like to engage in certain things anymore. Because of that, my husband and I are always fussing, and he has even warned me that if I continue to carry on with my 'foolishness', another girl will take my place. I asked the church mother whether it is right to demand that I do certain things in bed, and she said that while she wouldn't want my husband to leave me, he shouldn't force me just to satisfy himself. I am not satisfied with her answer. So I am asking you to give me your advice.

Should Christian couples engage in sex and do what ungodly couples do? My favourite position is missionary. I love that, but my husband says that position is very boring. I asked him how it can be boring if he is pleasuring me. I love to feel when he ejaculates in me. I don't want to do anything that Christians should not do, that is why I am writing to you. I ask friends who are my age, and they laugh at me and tell me that I am going to lose my husband because there are girls out there, meaning in the world, who would give him what I won't; and when he leaves me, I would start talking to myself as if I am crazy.

My husband is only 24. Any time he wants to make love to me, I make myself available. But is it right for him to go down on me? Please don't say I am stupid, but answer me, please. I really love my husband and I know he loves me, he has proven it. I will be looking in THE STAR for your answer.

T.E.

Dear T.E.,

I am just a simple family counsellor and I have been in this work for a long time.

I have dealt with so many questions about family life and the sexual struggles that some couples go through. Some couples are frustrated because some ministers take it upon themselves to tell them what they should or should not do. What is amazing is that many times, what they tell couples not to do are not in the great book we call the Bible.

I have heard some of these preachers, who have never even taken one course in counselling, condemn women who allow themselves to give their husbands pleasure in certain positions. A man once told me that he told his wife that he wanted to marry a lady, but when it comes to the bedroom, he wants a whore. I did not respond to what he said, but I got the message he was trying to convey. The older woman in your church meant well; that is why she told you that you should try to please your husband. She was cautious in what she said because she did not want you to go and quote her to anybody, just because, as a senior leader in the church, people may feel that she is a backslider.

I want to tell you that your husband is responsible for satisfying you sexually, and you are responsible to satisfy him. Both of you should experiment with different positions and do what both of you enjoy. You might not be satisfied with my answer, but that is how I see it.

Pastor