Wife says my penis is too small

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column and I have heard people discussing your comments.

Some even wonder if you are a real pastor, but I know you and your church and I am satisfied with what you write. I am 29 and my wife is 33 years old. She and I were friends for a long time before we got married three years ago. We do not quarrel, but sometimes I am not pleased when she tells me that I should remember she is my senior and I should do what she tells me. That cannot work, Pastor, because, although she is older than me, I am the head of the house. She was married before but her husband got her best friend pregnant and she packed up her things and divorced him. So I knew her while she was married.

When I told her that I would love for us to become friends, she said the friendship couldn't be long. So, after six months of friendship, we got married. Our first night in bed after we got married, she told me that my penis is too small. But I can't do anything about that; it is what I have. She said that I do not bring her to orgasm. What is the reason for that? From the time I was 17 years old, I have been having sex and I even got a girl pregnant but she did not give me the baby. She gave it to her boyfriend. None of these girls have ever complained that I am too small. Could you please tell me what's wrong with me?

H.T.

Dear H.T.,

Why do you think something is wrong with you? Your wife has got you to believe that you are incapable of getting her to reach orgasm.

There are women who, during sexual intercourse, reach orgasm easily. But others don't and their partners have to stimulate them for a long time. The women have also learned how to help themselves. But it must be very frustrating for a man to be having sexual intercourse with his wife and to have her tell him that the reason why she is not experiencing orgasm is because his penis is too small. Don't believe your wife; it has nothing to do with your size.

I want you to do your own research on this matter. Go on the Internet and study whether the size of a man's penis can help a woman experience orgasm. Women have argued over the years about whether size matters. One woman told me that there was a man who was very large and all the girls in her office tried him and ran. He was a ''nine' and she was able to have sex with him without a fuss. I looked at the girl and I wondered how a woman who was so short in stature could do that, but I never questioned her. When you are a counsellor and people speak to you frankly about sexual problems, you do not question them.

Go and do your research, my friend. Thank God for what you have and don't let your wife discourage you - do what you can.

Pastor