Mom doesn’t want me to get married yet

Dear Pastor,

I am living with a woman and I am 27, while she is 24. We have been living together for two years.

We both work. I love this girl and I would like to marry her. We have been attending church for about a year. But we have been unable to become members because the church wants us to get married and baptised. My mother told me that I should not marry this girl unless I am sure that she can have a child. She said that when she and my father were young, my father had another girlfriend. He told my mother that he used to have sex with her and was hoping that she would become pregnant, but it never happened. So he left her and started a relationship with my mother. He did not hide the fact that he was going with my mother. Soon after, my mother became pregnant, so he was convinced that the other girl was a 'mule'.

It was my mother who told me the story, so she told me that she would not want me to marry a girl who could not get pregnant. I told my mother we were using protection, so that is why my girlfriend did not get pregnant. She said that we should stop using protection, because she would want me to father a child. Since we are in the church, we would like to follow the rules, and to get married and baptised. I don't have any other girlfriend in my life. This girl and I work together; the only thing we don't have is a house. We don't want to have a child outside of wedlock.

Since we have been in the church, my girlfriend has been pushing me for us to get married. But what my mother told me is lingering in my mind. So, please, I am asking you for your advice.

U.T.

Dear U.T.,

I will comment on what you have written by telling you a story that I have told many times.

Many years ago, a couple came to see me. They were planning to get married. The wedding was arranged and on the wedding day, while I was officiating, the man started to cry. He was a Rastaman. I am telling you, sir, he wept as he said his vows. His bride did not shed a tear. When the ceremony was over, I found out that this man was crying was because he was living with this young woman for many years and she never got pregnant. But he promised that he would marry her, and he kept his word.

Could you imagine how people thought that he was a fool as a Rastaman getting married to a woman he was living with and was never able to impregnate her? But sir, soon after this man got married, soon after he had placed the ring upon his woman's finger and they left the church and went away, the man got his woman pregnant. He was the happiest man in the world. So, sir, I am telling you this story to encourage you - get married to this woman with whom you are living. Don't take your mother's advice to wait to see if you can get her pregnant, or even to find another woman. Marry this woman who you love.

God is greater than your mother, and you should not take every advice that your mother gives. Marry your lover, and do so as soon as possible.

Pastor