Want my parents to meet my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and I live with my parents. I am the youngest of six children, so my parents still treat me as if I am a baby.

I do not mean that they ill-treat me, but I am not allowed to go wherever I want like some of my friends can. I have many male friends. I prefer them because some girls chat too much. The boys are after my flesh and I know that, so many times I just laugh at them. There is one 19-year-old guy who I like very much. I told him that the only chance he has with me is after he has met my parents. My father would tell me if he approves of the relationship the guy wants. He said that sounds as if my father doesn't realise that I am grown. I told him that according to my parents, I can make my own decisions when I am no long living under their roof.

I am a virgin, although my boyfriend has asked me for sex many times. But I told him that I am not ready. He invited me to his parents' house. He lives with them, but they are very busy people, so they are not always at home. When he told me that we were going to be alone at his home one Saturday, I did not go because I suspected that he intended to ask me for sex.

Last December, I was in a group of girls who were talking about what they were going to buy for their boyfriends. One of them said she was going to buy a box of condoms because he would appreciate that, and he would not be able to tell her that he didn't have any protection. She told us that she has sex often, and all the girls talked about how nice having sex is with their boyfriends. They asked me why I was so quiet and I told them I was still a virgin. Some of them gave up their virginity at age 15 or 16. One of them said she had sex when she was 14 with a big man. He used to take her to school and gave her everything that she wanted. So, she gave him sex to show appreciation. She has a boyfriend, but he doesn't have much to give. Her parents never suspected that she was having sex with this man, who they know very well.

Don't you think that my parents should allow me to go on dates? They have trained me well. I am not a fool. My mother says that she could not manage to take care of a child, so I should not go out with any man and come home with a 'belly'. I promised her that would not happen. I am hoping to go to university, so I told my boyfriend that I would take him to my parents. My parents are strict Catholics, so when he sees them he should remember that it is Lent, and they expect him to talk the truth. I do not know if I am making the right decision by asking him to meet my parents as I am not yet 18. I just want to go out with this guy sometimes. Tell me if I am making sense to you.

G.S.

Dear G.S.,

You are fortunate to have parents who try their best to give you proper guidance.

Your parents were not against you having friends, but they did not expect you to become intimate or sexually involved with any man. Many young girls become sexually involved with men because of peer pressure. What you have said about the girls and how they became sexually active is not unusual. Many girls tell their friends how sex is sweet and how they are foolish not to have sex. Many girls engaged in sex because that is how they learnt to survive. That is not only true in the ghetto; it is also true in what people may consider uptown.

Some teenage girls were told to find young men whose parents are wealthy and become involved with them. So these girls sometimes give away themselves and end up with babies. Sometimes, the parents of the guys tell them that they should have more ambition than that, while others will help them in supporting the children.

This young man who tells you that he loves you should only meet your parents if you believe that he is the only fellow in the world that you can date. I do not encourage girls your age to date only one man. A young girl should date as many young men as possible. Too many young men believe that as soon as they date a girl, she becomes their girlfriend. That is utter rubbish; when a girl goes out with a man, he does not have a claim on her. Before she can consider him her boyfriend, she must know just about everything about him. He does not have a right to her body, and she has no right to his.

Pastor