Pregnant for my boss

Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old girl and I am pregnant for my boss. I came to work with this company and I got involved with him. I knew he was married, but he told me I was irresistible, and that he and his wife were not getting along, and very soon I would take her place.

I did not say anything to anyone. One day his wife came to the office and saw me. I did not know her. She asked what type of work I was doing there and I told her that I was doing filing. I did not know that the boss' secretary and her were good friends. It turned out that the secretary was feeding her news. The boss fired his secretary, even though she denied telling his wife about him and me.

This man is everything to me, but I did not want to get pregnant by him. He has three children with his wife, and another one outside.

Getting pregnant was unplanned. He told me that he was going to pull out, but he did so too late. I did not know that I was pregnant because I was still seeing my period. He did not blame me, but I cried when he asked me if I wanted to do an abortion.

My father always tell my sister and I that abortion is murder, so we should not do abortion if we got pregnant.

This man has been taking care of me, but I am not working with him any more. He gives me everything I want. He said his wife is happy that I am not in his office, because she was planning to come back to the office and break up my bones.

Every week he sends money for me, or he tells me where I could pick up the money. My sister is older than I, and she has her boyfriend. She said that whenever they are having sex, her man doesn't take any chances, he always uses a condom. We are hoping to give up this child for adoption because I would like to go back to school, and having this child now will be in my way.

I told my mother that that is what we plan to do. She said that she cannot tell me to keep the child after he or she is born. However, she does like the idea of me giving the child up for adopting because she fears that I may never get pregnant again.

As I said, this man has children with his wife and one outside. He said he cannot leave his wife and marry me because everybody in his family would hate him and hate me, too. So adoption is the safest way for me. What do you think?

T.A.

Dear T.A.,

I am glad you did not terminate the pregnancy. If you had done so, it probably would have rested on your conscience. From counselling women over the years who have had abortions, I know many hardly got over what they did.

I know that you were careless; perhaps I should say you were naive, and this naivety caused you to become pregnant.

Your boss should have protected you, but people make mistakes. I am sure you made the right decision by not terminating the pregnancy. I am also glad that this man's wife was unable to carry out the threat of beating you.

As I answer this letter, I am thinking about a woman who was working in the same company with her husband. In fact, he was the manager and he had a side chick, and that side chick used to call him often. His secretary told his wife about the side chick, and he told his wife that she should not interfere with the girl.

His wife insisted on making side chick's life uncomfortable. The husband, in turn, fired her and took the company's car from her. That decision caused a big dispute in his home.

I urge you to try and go back to school as soon as possible. Do so when you are comfortable in your mind. You need an education that will enable you to get a good job and support yourself. I wish you well.

Pastor