Not sure if I should sleep with this man

Dear Pastor,

I read your column often. I am in my 40s. I was married, but my husband has passed on. I have remained celibate for over five years.

But there is this gentleman who likes me and has been coming around. I like him, too, but I am not crazy about him. I am getting along fine. My daughter is here with me and she sees to it that everything goes well in the house. She has her gentleman who visits her, but he does not sleep here.

I know that this man who likes me used to have many women. My friends told me that many women like him. I asked him and he said that is true, but that does not mean that he likes them. I know that he wants this relationship to go further. Do you think that I should ask him if he has a clean bill of health? I told him that he should go to the doctor and find out if he has any sexual disease that he might not even be aware of. He told me that I am humiliating him, but I am not. He told me no other woman has ever asked him for that, so I told him that I will be the first to ask him.

I don't want this man and I to end up in bed and then he passes on an STI to me. I would rather not do anything with him. I am not suffering; I can pay all my bills. So please give me your opinion. Was I wrong to make that suggestion to this man? I am hoping to hear from you very soon.

D.S.

Dear D.S.,

You are a grown woman and you can see that this man wants to take the relationship to a higher level.

Nothing is wrong in asking him to come clean. It is nothing for him to be embarrassed about. If he wants to have a permanent or serious relationship with you, he should honour your request. In fact, you should be willing to go to the doctor too and present to him a clean bill of sexual health, so to speak. Do the HIV test and whatever other test your doctor may suggest, and let this man have it.

If you truly love him and you believe that he is the type of man you can trust, and that he is not a fool when it comes to money, marry him.

Pastor