Boyfriend was using my money to feed his kids

Dear Pastor,

When I wrote to you the first time, I was dating a man who was not a Christian. We broke up because all he wanted was for me to have sex with him, and he was very mean.

Anytime I asked him for some financial help, he told me about his bills, including medical bills for his mother. I told him that I could not continue to be with him unless he gave me some help to pay my bills. I was renting a one-bedroom flat for $20,000 per month. This man would come and stay with me almost every weekend and I had to buy groceries to cook and feed him. I really loved him, but I realised that he was using me. I asked him one Friday evening why he didn't stop at the supermarket and buy a few items. That weekend I was flat broke.

I told him there was nothing in the house, so it was either he go to the ATM and withdraw some money or we would have to go to bed hungry. I had my shower and went to bed. He tried to have sex with me and I resisted. I told him that I could not have sex with him on a hungry belly. So if he wanted to have sex, he should go to the ATM and withdraw some money, and after we have cooked and eaten, we can have sex. Well, he did not force me, so I slept; but when I woke up early, he had left. About 8 a.m., I called him and asked him what was wrong. He said he did not have any money at the ATM so it did not make any sense going there, but he would see me in the evening.

I withdrew some money and did a little shopping and I cooked. When he came, he ate and told me that I was a wonderful woman. I told him that he should not come back to visit me unless he was prepared to give me help to pay my rent and to give me money to go to the supermarket. I did not see him for three weeks. He eventually showed up, and this time he asked for a loan as there was a family crisis. He wanted $21,000.

I found out where his mother lives, so I told him to come back the following day and I would help him with half of the amount. I called someone who knows him and asked him to take me to his mother's home. When I got there and asked his mother if she was ill, she said no. I saw two little children and she told me that they are her grandchildren. His mother told me that the children belong to my so-called boyfriend. She invited me in and while I was there, he showed up and was shocked to see me. The children called him "Daddy". I asked him why he hadn't told me he had these children and he said he wasn't sure that they are his, but since his name was called he was supporting them. I told him never to put his feet near my apartment again.

I called his mother and told her thanks for entertaining me, then I left. That man was using my money to support his children. His mother was in good health. I have learnt from the experience not to trust men, even when they say that they need help to take care of their mothers. I did not tell his mother that he got help from me by lying to me and telling me that she was ill. He has called me many times, begging me to forgive him.

I do not want anything to do with this man. I regret the day I had sex with him. He knew that he had another woman and she was living with him at his mother's house.

D.L.

Dear D.L.,

I am so glad that you used your intelligence to go and find his mother's house. When you went, you saw his two children.

His mother didn't even know that he was taking advantage of you by asking you for financial help. Whenever he came to see you, he was never in a position to assist you financially. He was a wicked fellow. Too many women have been spending their money on men, and some of these men do not intend to pay them back. It is a regular thing these men do.

I wish you well. I hope this man does not have a key to your apartment. If he does, ask your landlord to allow you to change the locks for security reasons. I am sure that he or she would agree. The landlord, however, may ask you for a copy of the key for the new lock.

Pastor