Deadbeat ex was only good in bed

Dear Pastor,

I am in my mid 20s. I have done well in high school and university. I have a bachelor's degree and I am doing some postgrad work.

Most of my close girlfriends are married and three of them have children. When they talk to me about relationships, they say I have been too choosy. I have had a couple of boyfriends, but the relationships did not last long. One of them was nothing but a player. I don't know how girls stayed with him because he never had money. Every time we went out for dinner, I had to pay. So I told him that I couldn't put up with that because when a man is taking me out, he has to be prepared to pay for the dinner. He asked me what I do with my money because I don't have children. We had an argument, so I paid the bill and told him not to call me again. I blocked his number. He showed up at my office, but I had told my secretary not to allow him in. When he would not leave, I called the security to move him from the compound. This man had no shame. I had to be strong because he insisted that he must get me back.

This man fathered two children and I assisted him to buy uniforms and books for them. Sometimes I gave him money for their lunch. He was always saying negative things about his babymothers. But looking back, I have realised that he was lying. He accused the women of cheating. Before I asked him not to return to my place, I talked to the women and they told me that they had a difficult time in getting money from him to support the children.

When we started to date, he was always telling me that he would like to marry me. I asked him where we would live and he said that we could rent, but he was not in any position to rent anywhere. I made a big mistake by sleeping with his man. I regret it. He is a short man, but what he has, he can use it very well. Don't think I am too rude, Pastor, but I can say that he is a charmer and he is the best man I have gone to bed with. But all he has is his 'tool'; nothing else.

I told him he is a thief because only a thief would invite women out and not pay for the meal. This is why I have to be choosy and not run into relationships. I have made mistakes. I don't want to repeat them. As I write to you, I am dating another man. He makes much more than I do, but I am not with him because of his money. I want a man who can make me feel happy. It might take a long time for me to forgive this short man. But he has nothing more to offer than his third leg.

B.J.

Dear B.J.,

It was on the ' Dear Pastor Show' that I learnt from one of my female callers the meaning of third leg.

I will never forget what this woman said. My dear, you have declared that you made mistakes. Most people have made mistakes. Your girlfriends told you that you were too choosy. But now you know that it is better to be choosy than to rush into relationships.

Nothing is wrong if occasionally a man may say to his girlfriend or his wife "I am asking you to pay for the dinner tonight because I do not have enough money." No intelligent woman would object to doing so. But when a man constantly expects his woman to pay for the meals, she should object and she should do exactly what you did - kick him out of your life. He is a user and he will not change. You do not have to tell him what you do with your money. He is not a good man and you should not even consider marrying him. This man is a liar and a thief. His babymothers should take him to court for child support. You have been very good to him, but he is ungrateful. You have lost nothing.

I hope you will enjoy the new relationship that you are now having.

Pastor