Not sure if this woman is a gold-digger

Dear Pastor,

I am a 47-year-old man, and I am madly in love with a woman who is 40. We are not married, but she recently came to live with me.

After talking to me for a few weeks, she said that I knew she had lost her job and finding it difficult to pay her rent, so I could either give her rent money or allow her to live with me. I have children, but they are grown and living in America. I don't have to depend on the children for anything. I can take care of myself, so I told them that they can come to visit me whenever they want. They call me often, but I want to stay in Jamaica.

This woman came to live with me, and she does everything for me. When it comes to sex, I told her that at my age, I don't want her to kill me. We agree to have it once per week, but I also told her that depending on how I feel, we probably can do it twice per week. She agreed, but she is looking forward to it more often, because she says that I can do it sweetly. I have taken care of my body. I exercise three times per week and I eat lots of vegetables and fruits. I am getting to love this woman. I am getting good treatment. Sometimes she bathes me, and she is always teasing me.

She said she has had boyfriends, but they didn't have anything to offer her; they wanted everything that she could give them. She lost her job because the manager wanted to take her to bed and she refused. So he reported her to the head of the company and pointed out all her mistakes. He called her inefficient. She tried to fight the matter, but she realised that she was wasting time, so she left the job.

You have been a counsellor for a long time. Do you believe that this woman is telling me these nice things about myself because she knows that after a while I wouldn't tell her that she has to go? That is what one of my daughters told me. My son agreed. But he told his sister that I am a man and if I feel for a woman, they shouldn't fight me. Whatever I have belongs to my children, but I will give this woman whatever I can. I receive a good pension from the government, and I have other means to support myself.

My close neighbours welcome this young woman in my life. She said that she will not get involved with any other man. Do you think that I should trust her?

A.G.

Dear A.G.,

I understand the concerns of your children. They know that you are their father and they cannot really control you, but they are also aware that some young women become involved with older men to get what they have.

On the other hand, there are young women who genuinely fall in love with older men and have treated them very well. But one should not only expect the women to treat the men well - this thing goes both ways. The men should treat the women well, too. But we know that some women have been very faithful to their men, regardless of their age. But just as how some men lie and cheat, women have done the same.

I have told women that it is wrong to stay in a man's house while keeping other men with him. If they are not happy with the men with whom they live, they should leave. Some women get involved with the husband's best friends. These men go around to their friend's house and after a while, say to their wives, "I know that this man you are living with can't satisfy you." They offer the women silver and gold, and the foolish women take the bait. When they are found out, they try to ask for forgiveness.

I am not here to tell you that you should take what others have done to judge this woman. I can say that you should be very careful how you have planned your life. This woman has been taking care of you, so you should also take care of her. She does not only need shelter and food, but you should give her an allowance. Please allow her to go out with her friends whenever she wants to go anywhere. She should be wise enough to tell you where she is going and with whom. Very soon, she is going to ask you to marry her. Make sure you discuss everything with your children. If you know you will never marry her, let her know that as soon as possible.

Please don't fool her.

Pastor