Think my man and his lady friend are too close

Dear Pastor,

I am concerned and a bit jealous of the close relationship between my boyfriend and his female friend.

She knows about me. I met her over the phone. She claims that the love she has for my man is platonic. They talk about everything, including her relationship problems. She has a boyfriend, but she barely communicates with him. However, she talks to my man every day. She is 21 years old. My boyfriend says that they knew each other before he met me. At first, whenever they talked, they used to send each other love emojis. I told him that was inappropriate. I don't think they should continue to be friends because they are too close; plus, we have plans to get married.

Something happened late last year. I took her number out of his phone and he found out and told me it was the wrong number. He said I was giving him the cold shoulder. I don't have good feelings about her. To be honest, she is very attractive and slim. She claims he will never talk to her like that, because she is the type of person to treat the good guys like crap and to treat the bad ones well. She claims he is not her type. I don't trust her.

Please give me your honest opinion. Should my guy be so close to her, or be best friends with a female, even when he is planning for us to get married?

N.

Dear N.,

You began your letter by stating that you are a jealous person, and that you know that your boyfriend had a close relationship with a young woman with whom he spends lots of time talking to on the phone.

However, he assured you that the relationship between them is platonic. Evidently, you do not believe them; you believe that the relationship that they are having goes deeper than what he says. So you went into his phone to see evidence that they are closer than what he says. You believe strongly that he should end the friendship that he is having with this young woman.

I don't agree with you at all. If you do not agree with this man, you should ask yourself, if you had a male friend before meeting your boyfriend, would you want him to insist that you should stop talking to him, even though you have not been intimate with him? I don't believe that you would want your boyfriend to insist that you should give up the friendship with that man.

From what you have written, I see no reason why your boyfriend should not continue his friendship with this girl. You are trying to control your boyfriend. You are driving your boyfriend from you with your behaviour. Another thing, you have no right to search his phone. You wouldn't want him to search yours. If you do not find your boyfriend to be trustworthy, then leave him, but nothing you have said in your letter justifies you breaking up with him.

Nevertheless, I thank you for your letter and I wish you well.

Pastor