My fiancé wants a big wedding

Dear Pastor,

I am hoping to get married in January 2025 and I want to do a small wedding. However, my fiance is from a large family and he wants everybody to attend. I told him that he should not plan to invite all of them, but he said that would not look good on his part.

Both of us have visas that enable us to travel to the United States of America. I have suggested to my fiance that we can go on vacation for Christmas and get married there, and tell our relatives that we wanted to get away from the crowd. If we get married in America, we could send all relatives an announcement and that would prevent us from spending money that we do not have. My fiance had been thinking about having the reception at a hotel if we were to get married in Jamaica. It would cost us thousands of dollars if we do that.

My relatives are poor. My father is a pig farmer, so I could not expect much from him. I only started working in June of this year. My fiance started to work about a year ago and he has student's loan to repay.

When I was a young girl I used to admire brides in their flowing white gowns, but reality has taken hold of me, and I am convinced that we cannot afford to have such a wedding.

My mother is concerned about what people would say about us. I don't care what people say, I know that we cannot afford to have a big wedding. My fiance suggested that we can borrow about $200,000 and work with that. He said that he can buy a suit that would not cost much and I can rent a gown. He think that with that budget we will be able to pull it off a wedding, and there would be no need to travel to America and to do a private wedding.

One of my friends got married a couple months ago and she had a wedding planner to make all the arrangement. She spent a lot of money. I do not want that to happen to us.

What would you suggest?

K.B.

Dear K.B.,

A wedding can be very inexpensive if the couple is wise and use common sense. If they are church people, and when I say church people, I mean if they are members of a church, they might not have to pay for the ceremony or the church. At the First Baptist Church, where I am pastor, we do not charge members for the use of the church, and the minister does not charge for his services.

A couple can discuss their wedding with the minister. The bride does not have to wear a gown if she does not want to. A simple dress is good enough. The groom does not even have to wear a suit. What I am trying to say is that lots of people don't seem to understand that they do not have to put themselves into unnecessary debt to get married. Your fiance is concerned because he is from a large family and everybody would want an invitation, but they do not have to be invited at your wedding. Some would not even bring a gift. So it is not necessary to have them attend.

You know that you and your fiance are not in a position to have a big wedding, so don't even think about it. Additionally, you do not have to go to America, either, to get married. You can get married quietly in your home, so do not bring any burden on yourself as you plan your wedding. After a few years have passed and you are in a position to invite your friends and relatives to your wedding anniversary, you may do so; but please, do not put yourself in unnecessary debt.

Pastor