I’m dating a mean man

Dear Pastor,

I am a 31-year-old woman and a divorcee. I am currently in a relationship with a man who is 51 years old. This man is very mean and he does not have anything. He does not like to spend. I asked him how come he does not like to spend and he has nothing.

You might not understand when I say this man has nothing and he is 51 years old. I wanted to visit Jamaica and I told him that I would love to have him travel with me. He told me that I would have to buy his ticket because he did not have any money. I told him that I would go without him, because I don't understand why he cannot purchase a ticket to fly from New York to Jamaica and back.

This man has a daughter who has graduated from college. She does not assist him in any way. She told me that her mother supported her, and that he did not give her any help whenever she called him and ask for a little help. He told her that she was on her own and that he had nothing to give her.

Since we began living together, I have got him to attend church with me. He puts very little in the collection plate. It is so embarrassing to see what he gives. I told him that he will never prosper unless he learns to be charitable and to give to others who are in need.

Apart from his meanness, he is a good man. I don't need any money from him. I am with him because I need company. He knows how to satisfy my emotional and sexual needs. Last Thanksgiving I wanted some of my relatives to spend the day with us, he did not buy anything for the occasion. I knew he was not in a position to buy a turkey, but I was asking him weeks before Thanksgiving to buy some drinks. The day before Thanksgiving, when I realised that he has not done so, I gave him the money to purchase the drinks and ice-cream. I sat at the table and I saw how this man ate and I said to myself, this man has no shame. He ate, and he took seconds. Some of his friends were also invited; they came and enjoyed themselves.

When everybody was gone and we were washing up, I asked him whether he had enjoyed the day, he assured me that he had and that he wishes Thanksgiving would come every day. I reminded him that he did not make any contribution, and he said that he would do better in the future. This year I have thought of inviting his daughter; however, she said that she would not come. She prefers to be with her mother and she was inviting her boyfriend, who is from one of the islands. She doesn't want to disappoint her mother.

What I don't understand is how a man could be working for so long before we met and he does not have any savings. He used to drink before we met and he stopped. He used to also smoke, but he doesn't smoke any more. So these things have taken away some of his money. I like the man, but I don't like the type of relationship he has with his daughter. I am trying to get him to change his attitude towards her, and for her to change her attitude towards him.

P.L

Dear P.L.,

Men who have lived recklessly do not generally have savings. The bottle has taken away all their money. Many of them have become alcoholics. I have known men who have good professions, but who drank a lot and became alcoholics, and they are always broke. They don't have any money. They were unable to support their children. This man was not only an alcoholic, but he was a smoker. You have rescued him, so he would be eternally grateful to you.

I am glad that he is employed, but you are going to have to try to show him how he can save and invest. He is 51 years old, so hope is not all lost. Perhaps you would have to demand that he brings a certain amount of money to you every week or fortnight, or at the end of every month, so that you would ensure that the money is put away into an account. At 51 he has to build up an account for his retirement and also, he would need to save enough to help him if he loses his job. You have a mighty task on your hand, but I repeat, hope is not lost. You should assure him of your love for him.

Concerning his daughter, I hope you know her birthday. See to it that he calls her on her birthday. Christmas is not far away. Try and get him to buy a little Christmas gift for her. As you put away money for him, bear in mind that he should save to buy gifts for his daughter. He has to learn to break the ice, so to speak. A man can't eat and drink all that he earns; and if he is a gambler, he is in bad shape. Help him.

Pastor