My son’s father is just a lazy drunk

Dear Pastor,

I am 33 years old. You probably would not remember me, but I came to your office some years ago and told you about my son's father.

When he got me pregnant, he denied that he was responsible for my pregnancy. We were living together, but he did not treat me well. He did not support me. He drank every day. He was always drunk, so I had to leave him and go back to live with my grandparents. He did not assist me in getting ready for the birth of our son. I was attracted to him because he was very bright.

My grandparents helped me, as did my siblings. I gave birth to our child without his help. He used to lie and tell people that although we were not living together, he was supporting me; that was not true. He never stopped drinking. To this very day this man is drinking heavily. He is an alcoholic. He does not give his child anything. He has lots of women. People told me that I should have taken him to court, but my grandparents, who raised me, told me to leave him to God, and that is what I did.

This man can hardly help himself. He has siblings who are in high places, but they have never given me any money to help their brother's child. He has other children, but the mothers of these children do not get anything from him, either. He does not have a good relationship with our son. Our son is now in college. He does not recognise him as his father. He said that he is ashamed to let anybody know that he is his father. He carries his name, but that is it. He said that he is contemplating changing his name. Do you think I should encourage him to do so? I told him he should do what he feels like doing because he is now an adult.

The man goes to the rum bar from in the morning, drinks all day, and sometimes they have to force him to leave. The people at the bar know him very well; they consider him a drunkard. Should I encourage my son to change his name?

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

If it is the desire of your son to change his name because he is ashamed of his father, you should tell him that he should do what pleases him.

Your grandparents supported you the very best way they knew, and they told you not to take this worthless man to court for child support. You have struggled with your son with the help of your grandparents. Your son will always remember what you and his grandparents have done for him without the help of his father. Let your son make his own decision as to whether he should change his name.

It is unfortunate that his father continues to drink. He has no control over the bottle. Your son might not be proud of his father, but he will be proud of his grandparents and you. I hope the day will come when his father will quit the drinking and turn to Almighty God for deliverance. That is my prayer, and my wish for him.

Pastor