I see my dead wife when I’m trying to have sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 years old. Two years ago my wife passed. Her death was sudden.

I have received help by seeing a counsellor, but I have not fully recovered from her passing. For the past six months, I have started to go out. The young lady I am dating is three years younger than I am. She has never been married.

My two children have got to know her and they love her. We all have gone out together three times. My daughter chats a lot. She asked this young lady many questions. The young lady told me that my daughter wanted to know why she had never married and if we were to get married, whether they would live with us.

I have problems that I cannot discuss with the children. I have tried to make love to this young woman but it is not easy. It is hard to adjust to her. I wonder if something is wrong with me. Every time I try, I see my wife looking at me. I have removed all her photographs from the bedroom. I have packed them away in a suitcase. The only place I have kept my former wife's picture is in my cell phone. This young lady asked me several times what is the problem I am having. I told her that I do not have a problem, I just need more time to adjust to her. But she is not a fool; she knows something is wrong. She is beginning to wonder if I truly love her. She has done everything to arouse me, and when I believe that I am ready, I go dead.

Unknown to her, I went to see a therapist and explained that I have not been able to function, and that I am always seeing my late wife. One day my new girlfriend told me that I have a small penis. For a while, I thought that would have been the problem, but it is not. She was only teasing me. I would like to continue the relationship with her because she is a very lovely girl. What do you suggest that I do?

C.K.

Dear C.K.,

Images of your former wife enter into your mind and you find it difficult to function.

That tells me that you are not ready to take this new relationship to that level. Perhaps she feels ready for you, but you are not ready, so you should not rush the issue. You have taken the photographs of your wife off your wall and wherever you used to keep them. There are certain things that your former wife and you were accustomed to doing in the bedroom, and these things come to your mind if you attempt to do them with this new woman. This lady and you should discuss this matter, and you should not lie to her; you should tell her the truth. Perhaps, in your mind, it is too early for you and this woman to go to bed.

I knew a prominent Jamaican man who got married six months after his wife died. People accused him of having an intimate relationship with this new woman long before his wife passed. People will always say things about you that are not necessarily true. But I can imagine that you have not fully got over the passing of your wife. So spend lots of time with your new lady and talk freely about everything.

The relationship with her will grow, and she will tell you when she believes that the time is right to take you on that special journey, if you know what I mean.

Pastor