Pregnant at 16 and left to raise my daughter alone

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for your advice. I am a single parent. I have a three-year-old daughter, but her father is not supporting her. He got me pregnant when I was 16 years old, but he told me not to say he was responsible. He told me that I shouldn't call his name, and he asked my parents to forgive him.

This man is married and is in a very good job. He thought that he would lose his job if I had disclosed who got me pregnant. My mother told me not to say anything, and my father thought that it was my boyfriend who got me pregnant.

My boyfriend also thought that he was the one who got me pregnant because we had unprotected sex a few times. I also told him that he was responsible for getting me pregnant. When I told him, he became nervous and promised that he would take care of the baby. This meant that I had two men who promised they would play their role as father.

My real boyfriend was at the hospital when I gave birth. His name is on the birth certificate. The other man visited the hospital the day after I gave birth. My mother was also there.

It has turned out that the married man did not keep his promise to take care of the child. The baby looks exactly like him. When I asked him why he was not giving me any money, he said that even the blind could see that the child is not his. But, pastor, he is the father. I am willing to go to court now and to tell the truth because my boyfriend is not giving me money, either. I made a mistake by saying something to him about the man who really got me pregnant.

I want to go back to school, but I don't have any help. I feel that I am being used. I have to be begging the guy, who is not the babyfather, for money. He gives me money sometimes, but I have to agree to have sex with him. I don't understand why this guy has stopped giving me money when he knows that the child is his. I told him that I am going to scandalise him and every time I told him so, he sends me a few dollars and then he stops. I need money all the time to support my daughter. Do you think I should take him to court?

This man is married and he has two other children, while my child is suffering. When I have sex with the man who used to be my boyfriend, he always curses bad words and tell me I am not good because I should look at what I did to him. It seems to me that he is trying to get me pregnant. I always have to beg him not to discharge in me. When I have sex with him, he calls me wicked. I really don't know what to do, so I would like you to give me your advice.

R.

Dear R.,

Your mother should not have encouraged you to lie. It would have been better for you to tell the truth. The man who got you pregnant should have accepted his responsibility and support his child. He got you pregnant, so he should have faced the consequences. I suggest that you take this man to court. A DNA test will show who the biological father is, and through the court, you should receive justice.

You may want to discuss the matter with your mother again. I am sure she has regretted encouraging you to lie. Deal with the matter and get what is due to you, so that you can adequately support your baby and pursue an education.

Pastor