Ready to leave my miserable girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am in my late 20s and I have been with my girlfriend for more than three years.

I want to do right by her because I love her a lot, and I believe she loves me as well. But I can feel my love for her slipping. All my family and friends like her a lot, and I would like to make her my wife. In fact, I bought her an engagement ring; one that she told me she liked. I saved and bought it. I have had the ring for quite some time, but I am yet to pop the question. I am a hard-working man, and I provide for and take care of her. She is an amazing girl with wonderful qualities and is equally hard-working. We both have decent-paying jobs.

When things are good between us it's blissful, but when they're bad, it's beyond ugly. You may be asking what the problem is. She has terrible anger issues (baggage from the past, based on our deep talks). I have even been patient with her and tried to get her counselling, but she refused. Pastor, respect is very important to me, and sometimes I even lose my composure when she speaks disrespectfully. Sometimes I am ashamed of the way we argue at the top of our voices in our quiet community. I am drained from all the arguments and I have started to look at her differently. It has got to the point where whenever there is an argument, I stay quiet or I just jump in the car and leave. She doesn't know I am harbouring these feelings towards her, but I am very close to giving up on us. I have even started to resent her a bit, to be honest. I don't know if I can keep this up.

I have contemplated breaking up and either selling or just giving away the ring; then we would go our separate ways. I want my peace back and I feel stuck. I would like some fatherly advice, please.

Tired Man

Dear Tired Man.,

You haven't said what the arguments are about. What can drain a man so much, especially if he is in love with his woman?

What is this woman doing that is constantly annoying you and that would cause you to consider giving up? To resent a woman means that you are at the place of hating her; you can't tolerate her. No man, something is seriously wrong with this relationship. You and this young woman need to have a quiet talk together and let her know exactly how you feel. You should also tell her that the time has come for both of you to make an appointment to see a family counsellor. Perhaps both of you take each other for granted, and that's a big mistake you are making. So set an appointment to meet with a counsellor and speak frankly to him/her; that should help. Please do so early.

If you love this woman, cut out the foolishness and stop talking about resenting her. After you have met with the counsellor, contact me again.

Pastor