My ‘father’ is my lover My ‘father’ is my lover

Dear Pastor,

I will be 24 next January. I have been living at the home of a man who most people think is my father, because I have been living here since I was 15.

I call him daddy. My mother and this man were friends. She left me to go to the United States of America, so everybody believes that this man and I are related. He got me into a school. He did everything for me. Everybody at the school believes that he is my father, but he isn't.

I am going to reveal it out to you now. This man is my lover. I love him from the bottom of my heart. Without him I don't know how I would have survived. I do not know where my mother is, and neither does he. When she was leaving Jamaica, she told me that she would be back. She said I must take very good care of myself, and I am not to misbehave and end up getting pregnant.

I have misbehaved, but only with this man. I started to sleep with him when I was 16. I called his sisters my aunts. They have asked me for my mother and I have told them that I don't know where to find her. This man has never ill-treated me. He has given me everything I want. Even the principal at the school believes that this man is my father. Many people say we resemble.

I have a few passes in Caribbean Secondary Education Certificate subjects. I want to become a businesswoman. I would like to attend HEART/NSTA Trust.

I don't know how you would look at me, but I don't have any desire to have any other man but this man. He has helped me a whole lot. I do not have any desire to break away from him. Please tell me what to do. Should I change my name and remain how I am? Please, give me your advice. You are a good man and I trust you.

J.

Dear J.,

Thank you for confiding in me. I will never divulge your name or anything about you without your permission.

In fact, I would keep in confidence whatever you have told me. I can see that you are a good girl. Your biological mother left you with this man and she never looked back. This man has taken good care of you. He sent you to school and he tried to educate you. He did not abuse you. He started to have sex with you when you were 16; some men would have started earlier. You have ambition, and I believe that you can still reach your goals.

I am going to suggest that you talk to a lawyer about your situation. I would hate to know that this man gets himself into trouble, but at least a lawyer can give you the sort of guidance that you need as you face the years ahead. I would like to know what it is that you can do about your name, etc. You have stated that you don't want any other man in your life. You are happy with this man you consider to be your father, guardian and lover.

I will be praying for you. Take care, and call me any time.

Pastor