I really miss my husband

Dear Pastor,

I always take great pleasure in reading your column in THE STAR. I have been doing so for a long time. I was married for over 22 years, but my husband has died. I cannot describe to you how much I miss him. He was everything to me. He provided for me in every way. The thing that I feared the most in our relationship happened. I did not want him to separate from me, not even in death. He was a very wise man. We had two children, but they have passed on and left us. The good thing about us was, our children did not leave us destitute.

My husband was a good saver, so from the time we met each other, he encouraged me to save and invest. We taught our children to invest. We had a set amount that put away every month. We went on vacation every year. Our friends used to admire us. As we got older, we encouraged our close friends to join us in going on vacation. Those who were unable to afford it, we helped them to pay for their rooms.

One of my sisters got married, but her husband was not able to take her on vacation every year, so we assisted them in going. My husband and I maintained an active sex life. He never considered himself old. He told me if I considered him old, I should remember that that doesn't mean that he is cold. We spent time with each other and we put away money for sexual pleasure.

At our church, the pastor used to send young couples to us for premarital counselling. My husband and I took counselling courses and put ourselves in a position to be in charge of premarital counselling. Couples in our age group used to talk to us about what they could do to maintain sexual pleasure. My husband was 80 years old when he died. I miss him. I still hug his pillows every night. Whenever I have guest at the house, I don't allow anybody to sleep on his pillows.

I don't even allow anybody to drink coffee or tea out of his coffee cup. His cup is still very precious to me. I celebrate every birthday. Our children used to always call on his birthday and on mine. Some people ask why I talk so much about sex at my age and my response is simply this: sex is so wonderful, God always consider it beautiful, and it is special within marriage. Folks who have never really truly enjoyed sex would ask many questions about it, but sex is forever within marriage.

Recently, a 73-year-old woman discussed with me her desire to get marry again but was scared to tell her pastor that her spouse was 50 years old. I told her that I would accompany her to discuss her fears with the pastor. The pastor encouraged her by telling her that she need not fear. She looks younger than her age. The gentleman who has proposed to her could have proposed to young women but he chose her over them. She was encouraged to get married to him and teach him what he doesn't know. The counselling session did not last long because I chided in by saying, 'And what you don't know, I would tell you what to do'. All three of us laughed and went our way. I should add that the wedding took place about a month after, and this woman and her man are very happy together.

O.L.

Dear O.L.,

You have a very responsible job in your church. I am sure that your pastor discerned that you have a tremendous gift. He has called upon you to utilise that gift. Many have been blessed by your counselling service. Now that your spouse has passed on, you continue to be a blessing to many. I wish you many more years as you continue to serve the Lord as a counsellor.

Pastor