I am not ready for a boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am a 16-year-old girl and I am living with my parents; they are very strict.

From I was younger, my mother insisted that I learn to wash. We did not have a washing machine, so she taught me how to wash them with my tiny hands and how to take care of myself. She also taught me how to put my clothes on the line. Taking care of my bedroom was a must. I am an only child, so I had the privilege of spreading my dolls on my bed. My mother used to comb my hair and then I used to comb my dolls' hair. I had three of them. My favourite was Cindy; she was black and pretty. My father bought me that doll and told me I should love her because she was black and a black girl like me cannot have a white doll.

My mother taught me about my cycles and told me that is something I should expect. I was fortunate that when I saw my first period, it came in the night while I was sleeping. I woke my mother and told her what was happening. She assisted me and I went back to bed. I have a friend who told me that when her period came she was in church and it was a big embarrassment when she stood up.

Now I am going through a problem. A young man who is also 16 loves me. I told him I am not yet ready for a boyfriend and I will tell him when I am ready. He said that he has been admiring me from I was 14. I told him thanks, but he should look elsewhere because I am not ready. He is always admiring my breasts because I have big breasts. So does my mother; it runs in the family.

This guy has been talking to another girl since I rejected him and now I find myself being jealous when I see them talking together. I asked him why he has to be talking to her. He told me that it is because he wants a girlfriend and I am not ready, so whenever I am ready, he will stop talking to her. I told him I would not want him whenever I am ready. I am doing well in school. I want to be a teacher. My mother is a very good teacher. I want to follow in her footsteps. Do you think something is wrong with me because I am not interested in having a boyfriend? Thanks for taking time to read my letter.

B.T.

Dear B.T.,

You are an intelligent 16-year-old and you are fortunate to be living at home with your parents.

You have very good parents and they are trying to guide you in the correct path. I believe it is necessary for children to be taught at a very young age how to wash, clean and keep themselves and their bedroom tidy. It is something that should follow a person until he or she dies. Some people are very untidy. I suppose that is because they were never taught to be tidy when they were young, so you can't say that you were never taught. Men complain all the time that their women are very untidy; some use the word 'nasty' to describe their women.

I hope this young man who is admiring you will back off. You told him that you are not ready for a boyfriend and he should learn not to bring any pressure on you at all. You need not feel jealous when you see him talking to another girl. It is his right to associate with any woman he likes. Focus on your lessons. If and when you are ready for a boyfriend and this young man is not available, you can always find another. Men are not scarce.

Pastor