Friend’s wife wants me in her bed

Dear Pastor,

I am a 52-year-old man, and I want to share a situation I have found myself in. I am married, and my wife and I have four children together. We are very close to another couple, who are also married, but do not have children. Over the years, our families have developed a strong bond. They visit our home often, and we frequently visit theirs as well.

The man is over 65 years old. He has not been in good health. One day, his wife told my wife that they have not been sexually active for a long time and she was longing to feel something in her. I asked my wife why was she telling her that. My wife said that the woman wants me to help her find a man, and she wants it to be discreet.

One evening I was at home and I got a call from this man's wife, asking me to come and see him because he was not feeling well. When I went, his wife told me that she called me over because she wanted me to know that she loves me and she is begging me to make love to her at a convenient time. I told her that I could not do that because this man is my friend for a long time. She said she has already told my wife that she needs a man. From the time she told me that, I stopped going to his house frequently, but it rested on my mind that this woman wanted me.

One day, she called me and told me that she is really starving and she would pay me for it. I told her to go and play with herself. This woman has stopped telling me that she loves me, but she is now having an affair with a much younger guy than herself.

My wife knows about it. We cannot let her husband know because that would surely kill him. I told the woman that what she is doing is wrong, and it would have been better if she had bought sex toys. She said I should have bought them for her. I discussed it with my wife and she says it is not too late to buy her sex toys.

This woman does not go to church often, but she goes to church. Do you think it is right for me to go and order sex toys for a woman? People would think that I am buying them for my wife. This woman is very attractive. Her husband asked me why is it that I am not coming to visit him and I told him that I have been busy.

However, the truth is that I am just afraid that I may get involved with her, and I don't want to have sex with my friend's wife.

C.J.

Dear C.J.,

It seems to me that your wife would not have objected if you had sexual intercourse with this woman. Some women would hit the roof if they knew that their husbands became involved with other women, especially women who are their friends. However, there are women who encourage their men to go with their friends, and when it happens they are proud of it. But that is never a good thing to do, because it is not easy to stop doing. It can break up good family life. So you are quite correct in not having intercourse with your friend's wife. And although you told her that she should purchase sex toys, you should not purchase it for her; let her do so herself.

Some older women love much younger guys. They pay these young men to have sex with them. A certain young man, who is now in the police force, told me that he was having sex with a woman who could be his mother. She had grown children, who knew that their mother and he were lovers. Whenever he visited her, he went straight to the room and did his thing, and her children would never disturb them.

I am not here to condemn anybody, but I know that you are quite correct in not having an affair with your friend's wife. And you or your wife should not encourage her to have an affair with the younger man.

Pastor