I feel like giving up

Dear Pastor,

I am a university student and I am struggling with my studies, despite the fact that my tuition is covered by students' loan and my grandaunt helps in other areas.

I grew up in a very toxic environment. Every day, persons would quarrel and compare me to other children. I didn't experience much love or affection because my mother has a disability. There was so much discrimination by relatives and people in general.

I was often seen as the outcast of the family. However, my grandaunt has been helping me from I was in grade seven, and I have attained six passes in the Caribbean Advanced Proficiency Examinations. However, my experience at university is totally different. I have developed a strong aversion to school and I do not feel like myself. I find myself always crying. It doesn't matter how much I study, the information doesn't stick. I know I should be performing better.

I am at the point of giving up, but I can't disappoint my grandaunt, who has sacrificed so much for me when she could have taken that money to help herself. I have been having suicidal thoughts from a tender age because I didn't feel loved or appreciated. However, I was resilient enough to overcome a lot. Sometimes I am tired of fighting, but I have to keep going because nobody is going to save me but myself. If I fail, people would laugh at me, and I have already faced a lot of disappointments in this life.

I always read your column back in high school. I would love to hear your advice, because I can't give up.

A.F.

Dear A.F.,

You say that you cannot give up and that is great to hear. You should not give up.

Hear me now, in life, everybody will face difficulties, disappointments and criticism. The harshest criticism may come from your own family and people who are very close to you. It is quite evident that you have had to deal with struggles that other young people have not experienced. You come from a dysfunctional home and yet, God has helped you, and you have done fairly well in school. So you have much to give God thanks for. You should never be ungrateful to your grandaunt, who has seen potential in you and denied herself things that she needed to support you. You are quite correct, you cannot let your grand-aunt down, and you have to continue to push yourself forward. As folks commonly say, 'The sky is the limit.' You should learn to talk to God more and also to yourself, and tell yourself it can be done.

I am sorry to hear that your mother is not a 100 per cent fit, but make sure you take time to talk to her. Don't let her feel that you do not care. God will take care of you, so read your Bible and pray. Whatever the subject matter may be, approach it with courage. Tell yourself that by the grace of God you are going to conquer; you will not fail, you will pass every course at university. Don't ever think of giving up. Fight on. When you are discouraged, read your Bible and pray. I will be praying for you, too.

Pastor