I want to know what sex feels like

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and I was allowed to go on my first date. I went out with guys from I was 16, but it was always in mixed groups from school and church.

My parents told me what I should wear when I was going out. My mother told me that I should not show much of my skin. I went out with the young people from my church and I wanted to wear a two-piece bathing suit. When my mother saw it, she told me that as a Christian, I should not wear that because the boys are going to have their eyes on me. To make matters worse, my mother saw me shaving and she was not pleased. So I obeyed her and asked for money to buy a full-body bathing suit. She did not object to that. There were 10 girls in the group and only two of us had on a full-body bathing suit.

Now I am going on another trip. The guy who likes me is planning to come. But he has also dated me, and told me that he would like to take me out on my birthday after the trip. I told my parents and they said I am of age, so I can go. My father did not ask me where we were going, but my mother did and I lied to her. This guy wants to take me to Ocho Rios. He asked me if I could stay over, but I told him no. I know what my boyfriend has in mind. We have never had sex, so I am still a virgin.

I would like to have sex with him to find out how it really feels. Many of my friends are sexually active. They tell me that I am wasting time, and I don't have to get pregnant if I know what to do. I am so scared. I am begging my boyfriend to wait until the right time comes. We are attending university, and so we do not have much time for each other. He is living with his mother, who is always asking him about me. They share the same room, because his father lived with his mother until he was 13. But his father went abroad and his mother struggles to support him. He has a strange background. He told me that most times, he sleeps on the same bed with his mother and hugs her. I have two sisters and one brother, but I am the youngest child. One of my sisters is married and the other lives in Canada. My brother is in the army.

My boyfriend tells me that after we graduate from university, he would like us to get married and have his mother live with us. I do not want to live with a mother-in-law; I want to be free in my house. My boyfriend is too close to his mother, and I believe that would be a problem. What do you think?

C.L.

Dear C.L.,

Try not to listen to what some of your girlfriends are telling you. You don't have to be in a hurry to experience sex.

To my knowledge, nobody has ever died from not having sex. When men want to have sex with women, they tell them crazy things. They make up lots of lies. A very common lie is that if you don't have sex, you are going to suffer from headaches. Strangely enough, many women believe them.

Although your parents have not asked you where your boyfriend is taking you on a date, you should volunteer the information. At 18, they believe that you are old enough to make wise decisions, but please do not allow this guy to convince you to stay over. If you are going to rural Jamaica, you should go in the morning and return home in reasonable time so that your parents would not fret. Use common sense. I can see that your boyfriend's mother has really tried with her son. He trusts you, and told you how difficult it has been for her.

After graduation, both of you should not be in a hurry to get married. I hope you would change your mind to allow him to support his mother, even if that means having her live with him temporarily. I hope you would see what I mean. One more thing, don't allow him to pressure you to have sex with him.

Pastor