Still not ready to date after my husband’s death

Dear Pastor,

I am a widower. My husband died two years ago. Several men have approached me and want to have a relationship with me.

I told them that it is too early for me to get into a relationship with another man, because although two years have passed, it is like I am still mourning. Everywhere I turn in the house, I see my husband. I am not talking about his photographs. My husband bought everything in this house, so that is what I mean when I say I see him.

I do not owe any mortgage on this house. My husband was a builder and he built this lovely house. Before he retired, he added two more bedrooms, a bathroom and a kitchen. It seems as if he knew that he was going to die. He told me that that section is to be rented, so I would not have to depend on my little pension from the government. That is exactly what I am doing now.

The little flat is currently rented to a young couple who do not have any children as yet. They are always on time with their rent, and they check up on me every day. We live like a family. I don't feel the need for a man in my life. Don't get me wrong, I am not ill; I am in good health. I am very active. I do my gardening and I go out with friends occasionally. I love my church, so the members call upon me to help them all the time. The pastor and his wife have become my good friends.

There are single men in the church. Two of them are widowers. They have tried to date me, but I told them if I make up my mind to go out with them, I will tell them. One of them is too short, so I am going to rule him out. I do not like short men. The other one is tall, but I am really not ready. Don't you think that two years after losing my husband is a short period to go out or date other men? I will be glad to hear from you.

V.E.

Dear V.E.,

I regret hearing that your husband has passed on. But he seems to have left you in a very comfortable position.

You are living in a very comfortable home. He made provisions for you to earn monthly. He built a self-contained apartment for you. What more can a woman want? I am glad also that you have good tenants.

You are concerned that two years after the death of your husband is a short period for you to be going out with other men. Frankly, if you don't feel that you should accept any man after two years, whoever invites you, tell him that you are not ready. Some women would be ready in a year; others, much longer. It is a decision that you must make and no one should push you.

You are very active in your church; that is wonderful, and I must congratulate you for doing so. You are wise to be doing gardening work that would help to keep you physically fit.

Pastor