Ready to settle down after having 20 children

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for years and I am thankful for what I have learnt.

I am 49 and still single, but I want to settle down. I am what people would call a wild man. My job has taken me all over Jamaica and everywhere I go, women love me. I have had multiple sex partners. I have caught STIs because I was not very careful. Now, I am going with a young woman who still does not trust me. I do not know how many children I have fathered. I know it is more than 20. This woman insists that I use the condom, and because I want to settle down, I try my best to cooperate. She is half- Chinese. I met her when I went abroad on company business and she was at the conference.

She came to the hotel and spent a night with me, but she walked with condoms. We had sex twice that night. I told her the truth. She said that she heard that Jamaican men carry a 'big bamboo', and, looking at me, I have proven that to be true. I would like to marry this girl, but that would mean moving to America. I have my job in Jamaica and I have many years before I can retire. This girl does not want to live here permanently, but so far, she is the only girl I would settle with.

She call me every day and asks if I am trying to be a good boy, and I tell her yes. I am also trying to support my children, but I cannot give them everything that they want because I am also paying a mortgage. Three of my children were born in the same year and they are all attending college. I don't want to continue this life much longer. I have been telling my children about this young woman. She is telling me that because I have had multiple sex partners, I should do blood tests to make sure that I don't have an STI. I told her that if I had one, she would have caught it already, because one of the first things she did when we went to bed was to perform oral sex on me; I reciprocated.

She does not have relatives in Jamaica. Sometimes she stays on the phone with me at nights for a long time. I must admit that although I do not run around as I used to, I still see a couple of girls who come to visit me. I have learnt that it is not wise for a man like me to go to the homes of these girls, because some of them have multiple partners, also.

I can stay in my job in Jamaica and retire when I am 60, but if I do, I will lose this woman. She is earning much more than me, and she has greater benefits, so she will not come to Jamaica to live. What should I do?

T.P.

Dear T.P.,

I suggest that you end the relationship with this woman. You would be a fool to give up your job here in Jamaica and to go to America to start all over again.

You would have to depend on this woman for just about everything for a while and you are not a young man. You are behaving as if you can still run the world, but you cannot. You have not allowed common sense to rule you. The thing you have in your pants has controlled you for a long time. That is why you say you have more than 20 children. You have behaved as a jackass, and I don't care how much you want to curse me. I do not believe that you have been adequately supporting these children. In fact, you have admitted that you are not.

Whether this girl is Chinese or Indian, you should not allow her to tell you what to do. You have made big mistakes and I am glad you want to settle down, but she is not the woman to settle with, because she has already declared to you that she does not intend to live in Jamaica. Don't go to live in her country and be a second-class citizen. No, brother, stay in Jamaica, the land of your birth, and visit America occasionally.

You say you still have girls visiting you. I don't mean to imply that they are just social friends. You are continuing to wreck our life. Why don't you try to be smart? Are you not an intelligent man?

Pastor