Boyfriend is almost twice my age

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I have a boyfriend who is almost 40. This man always admired me when I was going to high school. He told me that when I was 17. He said he used to put himself in a position where he could see me going to school, and I was always walking pass his gate alone after I got off my bus. I know that one day when he called me I was not in uniform. He asked me why I wasn't in uniform and I told him we had sports day. He said that he loved me and he would like for us to talk. I told him that when I was going home that day, he should look out for me and I would spend a few minutes with him, which I did. He said he liked me and I told him that I am still a schoolgirl and he's a grown man. He said that does not mean that he cannot love me.

He said he has one son who is living in Canada with his mother, but he said he does not have an intimate relationship with her. This man has a good job and he lives in a lovely house. He and I became very good friends, so one day I told him that I will come to his house. I went, but I saw a lady there; he told me that she was his cousin. I did not believe him. I questioned her and she told me they are cousins and she was from Clarendon. She said she takes care of the house and cooks his meals. I asked if that was all and she said yes, he could not send any 'facety' questions to her because she would go back home. She also said that her children's father didn't want her to come, but this man told him that he can always visit her. She asked me if he had 'put question to me'. I told her that he only told me that he loves me. She asked if that was all and I told her yes.

I decided that I would talk to the man about what his cousin asked me, and he told me that she is too 'fass'. He said he didn't want her to know his business, and if she says anything to me, he would send her back to the country. I told him that I would tell my parents what he has been telling me; he said that would be a good thing to do. One Sunday evening we were alone at his house. He had cooked and left some dinner for me. After we ate, we watched television, and when it was getting late, I told him I had to go. I kissed him and left. Later in the night, he called me and told me the kiss was very sweet and we should do it again. Three weeks after his cousin went to the country to visit her children, I went back to see him and this time we had sex. I was a virgin up until then. We did not use any protection, but I did not get pregnant. I have been having sex with this man, and whenever I go there and his cousin sees me, she does not say anything to me.

He gives me money every week, enough so that I can also help my diabetic mother. He said he is going to send me back to school and doesn't want me to waste his money. He said that regardless of what people may say, he is going to marry me.

Do you think that he is too old for me?

E.R.

Dear E.R.,

I don't think that this man is too old for you, but I cannot know whether this man is telling the truth about himself.

He told you that he has one son who is living with his mother in Canada, and he was able to persuade you to have sex with him. Now you are his regular woman. I don't doubt that he is in a position to help you go back to school. What I would suggest is that nothing should be hidden from your parents concerning this man. You should also bear in mind that if you and this man are having unprotected sex often, he may get you pregnant.

Pastor