My partner had nude pictures of his child’s teacher

Dear Pastor,

I am reaching out to you because I am in need of guidance. As an introvert, I tend to keep my struggles to myself, and very few people truly know what is happening in my personal life. However, after reading your column and gaining insight from the wisdom you share, I feel compelled to seek your counsel.

I am 28 and I have been in a relationship with my partner for the past five years. We have a young child, and he also has an older child from a previous relationship. Our journey has been tumultuous, but I have tried my utmost to make it work. In fact, we had plans to get married this year to solidify our union. However, my partner has been unfaithful in various ways--whether through physical affairs or inappropriate flirtations. He has frequently entertained other women through messages, fostering connections that go beyond what is appropriate.

One of the most devastating moments for me was discovering nude photos of his older child's teacher on his phone while I was pregnant. To this day, I have not fully recovered from that betrayal. Each time I express my feelings, it escalates into an argument, leaving me unheard and emotionally drained. Despite all of this, I acknowledge that he is a good provider. He takes care of our children, spends quality time with us, and ensures that our household runs smoothly. We both work, and over the years, we have built a life together--purchasing a home and a new vehicle. However, love and commitment require more than financial stability, and I often feel undervalued and unappreciated.

I am not a perfect woman. I have never been unfaithful, and I am always transparent with him. However, when we argue, I must admit that I use harsh words. I retaliate with even greater intensity when he speaks hurtfully to me. Recently, we had a particularly heated argument. I was asking for some affection and appreciation, but he dismissed me. In response, I distanced myself, and later in the week, another argument erupted. In the midst of our exchange, we both said things that cut deep.

The house we currently live in was purchased by him before we met, though we jointly acquired another property, which we rented to assist with mortgage payments. To my shock, during our argument, he told me to pack up and leave his house, despite the years of emotional, financial, and personal investment I have poured into our life together. I have stood by him through every trial and tribulation, and yet, I now find myself being discarded as if I meant nothing.

I have prayed and sought divine direction on how to move forward. I told him that if he truly wants me to leave, he should provide me with $300,000 so that I can secure a place to live and start anew. The truth is, Pastor, I do not need him -- I know that once I find my own space, I am fully capable of taking care of myself and my child. However, I am currently overwhelmed with emotions -- rage, betrayal, and profound hurt. At this moment, all I seek is clarity, peace, and perhaps, just a pillow of comfort in this storm.

Unnamed

Dear Writer,

First of all, I would suggest that you and this man go to see a family counsellor; and I hope that he would agree that that is what both of you need to do.

Both of you have given each other your love and time for over five years, and you have a child together. You have your disagreements, which are expected to occur between couples occasionally. Unfortunately, both of you do not know how to bridle your tongues. You should not be disrespectful to each other whenever you speak. Some people say words are wind, but that's not necessarily true. Whatever you say to a person, you cannot take back, and words cut deeply.

You say that this is a good man, in that he takes care of you and the home. But he fails to give you the affection that you deserve. He has not given you a proper explanation about why he had these nude pictures in his phone. He should not expect you to brush that aside and move on. Therefore, these are things that should be talked about with a family counsellor. It could be that this man is not totally happy with you, but I recognise that I am only hearing your side of the story. When you go for counselling, the counsellor would hear both sides.

I am wondering why you are only asking this man for $300,000. Is that all you are worth? If this man is not willing to go with you for counselling, and insists that you should leave his house, please make an appointment to see a lawyer about this relationship. The lawyer would tell you what you can claim from him. I hope he would not be so foolish as to try to push you out. If he really wants you to leave, you should be adequately compensated.

Pastor

Dear Pastor,

I am reaching out to you because I am in need of guidance. As an introvert, I tend to keep my struggles to myself, and very few people truly know what is happening in my personal life. However, after reading your column and gaining insight from the wisdom you share, I feel compelled to seek your counsel.

I am 28 and I have been in a relationship with my partner for the past five years. We have a young child, and he also has an older child from a previous relationship. Our journey has been tumultuous, but I have tried my utmost to make it work. In fact, we had plans to get married this year to solidify our union. However, my partner has been unfaithful in various ways--whether through physical affairs or inappropriate flirtations. He has frequently entertained other women through messages, fostering connections that go beyond what is appropriate.

One of the most devastating moments for me was discovering nude photos of his older child's teacher on his phone while I was pregnant. To this day, I have not fully recovered from that betrayal. Each time I express my feelings, it escalates into an argument, leaving me unheard and emotionally drained. Despite all of this, I acknowledge that he is a good provider. He takes care of our children, spends quality time with us, and ensures that our household runs smoothly. We both work, and over the years, we have built a life together--purchasing a home and a new vehicle. However, love and commitment require more than financial stability, and I often feel undervalued and unappreciated.

I am not a perfect woman. I have never been unfaithful, and I am always transparent with him. However, when we argue, I must admit that I use harsh words. I retaliate with even greater intensity when he speaks hurtfully to me. Recently, we had a particularly heated argument. I was asking for some affection and appreciation, but he dismissed me. In response, I distanced myself, and later in the week, another argument erupted. In the midst of our exchange, we both said things that cut deep.

The house we currently live in was purchased by him before we met, though we jointly acquired another property, which we rented to assist with mortgage payments. To my shock, during our argument, he told me to pack up and leave his house, despite the years of emotional, financial, and personal investment I have poured into our life together. I have stood by him through every trial and tribulation, and yet, I now find myself being discarded as if I meant nothing.

I have prayed and sought divine direction on how to move forward. I told him that if he truly wants me to leave, he should provide me with $300,000 so that I can secure a place to live and start anew. The truth is, Pastor, I do not need him - I know that once I find my own space, I am fully capable of taking care of myself and my child. However, I am currently overwhelmed with emotions - rage, betrayal, and profound hurt. At this moment, all I seek is clarity, peace, and perhaps, just a pillow of comfort in this storm.

Unnamed

Dear Writer,

First of all, I would suggest that you and this man go to see a family counsellor; and I hope that he would agree that that is what both of you need to do.

Both of you have given each other your love and time for over five years, and you have a child together. You have your disagreements, which are expected to occur between couples occasionally. Unfortunately, both of you do not know how to bridle your tongues. You should not be disrespectful to each other whenever you speak. Some people say words are wind, but that's not necessarily true. Whatever you say to a person, you cannot take back, and words cut deeply.

You say that this is a good man, in that he takes care of you and the home. But he fails to give you the affection that you deserve. He has not given you a proper explanation about why he had these nude pictures in his phone. He should not expect you to brush that aside and move on. Therefore, these are things that should be talked about with a family counsellor. It could be that this man is not totally happy with you, but I recognise that I am only hearing your side of the story. When you go for counselling, the counsellor would hear both sides.

I am wondering why you are only asking this man for $300,000. Is that all you are worth? If this man is not willing to go with you for counselling, and insists that you should leave his house, please make an appointment to see a lawyer about this relationship. The lawyer would tell you what you can claim from him. I hope he would not be so foolish as to try to push you out. If he really wants you to leave, you should be adequately compensated.

Pastor