Dad left my mom because she is too nagging

Dear Pastor,

I decided to write to you because I am in a situation and I need your advice.

I am a young professional and I moved out of my parents' home because they are not getting along well. Whenever I speak to them, they say I am a little girl. I blame my mother for much of the contention, because she is always accusing my father of having other women. He said he could not take it any more, so sometimes he stays out all night. He told her that she always wanted something to accuse him of, so he has now found a girl who does not nag him. She gives him what he wants and he is paying her rent.

My mother has turned against me and accused me of taking my father's side, so I moved out, leaving my sister and brother at the house. I don't know if my father is talking the truth about finding another woman. When I told my father that I was leaving, he told me that it is my mother who should leave the house because he is tired of her.

My mother is a retired schoolteacher; she has nothing to do during the day. I see her as a frustrated woman. She has a green card, so she is planning to go and live in America. My father says that if she goes he will return home, but he is not leaving his new girlfriend. My father is 72, and according to him, this new girlfriend is 24 and she has a child. He has warned my mother not to bring any man into his house. I know my mother is very unhappy. She did not believe my father would walk out on her. But according to him, she caused everything.

My parents had a joint account and my father withdrew the money and left a minimal amount in there. It has upset my mother, but she has always had an account for herself without his name. My mother has turned off my father. I told him that this young girl is going to destroy him. But he says his life has already been destroyed, and the young girl is going to help to rebuild it. Sometimes I don't think that my father is thinking right. Sometimes I believe that he is saying these things because he is upset. I know that my mother has caused him to leave. I wonder if I should get closer to my father, because I don't want any girl to eat him out. Tell me what to do.

M.G.

Dear M.G.,

If a woman constantly nags a man, it is likely that he will walk away from her.

Your father stays out all night because he has somewhere to sleep. Perhaps he is sleeping at the young woman's house. If he sleeps threre, it is likely that he is going to give her money to pay her rent. If a man is comfortable visiting another woman's house, he would make a contribution to that house. Some men will pay all the bills.

You have a close relationship with your father; you should not condemn him. You should try to find out from him how he spends his money. He is not a young man, so you should remind him that he can become ill at any time, and he is going to need money to see a doctor and buy medication.

I don't believe your mother is telling you everything. What suddenly caused her to be accusing him of having another woman before he actually found one? She is now thinking of going to America. Would she be happy there? Perhaps you need to go home; remember, you have two siblings living there. Your mother thinks that you have taken your father's side. You should ignore what she is saying to you. Sometimes when seniors are unhappy, they say things that they ought not to say. Your mother is an unhappy woman. If you were to tell your father that you are going home, I am sure that he will be pleased. It might be hard not to take sides, but in this situation, you have to make sure that you don't give the impression to your father that he had the right to leave. Talk the truth to both of them, and do what is right.

Pastor