Girlfriend won’t stop smoking

Dear Pastor,

I am a 40-year-old man and I have a problem that I want you to help me with.

I do not have children, but I would love to. For the last three years I have become a Christian, so I attend church every Sunday. I have a girlfriend; she does not attend my church, but we really love each other. After meeting her, I found out that she smokes. I told her that we can be together, but she would have to stop smoking. She said that she has been smoking from she was in college, especially when she was under stress, but she would try to stop. Whenever I go to see her, I see signs that she is still smoking. But she does her best to use mouthwash, so that I would not be offended. But whenever I kiss her, I can tell that she was smoking.

This girl is everything I need in life, but the smoking is embarrassing. She has attended my church a few times, but she is always chewing gum to keep her breath fresh. I do not know what to do, because I would love to get married to her. So please advise me.

I.H.

Dear I.H.,

I can imagine that this situation is very annoying to you.

I remember many years ago, I went into a taxi and one of the passengers was smoking and I told the driver to stop because I wanted to get out, and I did. I could not stand the smoke. But I remember talking to a deacon in Aenon Town, Clarendon, and he told me that he smoked for years and he liked to smell cigarettes. I stayed in the home of a friend in Kentucky, USA, and he smoked tobacco. He described his habit as one of the finer things of life. He eventually stopped when doctors told him that he was killing himself. Unfortunately, he died a couple of years ago.

It is said that smoking tobacco leads to one of the major causes of death in Jamaica. Some people do not only smoke cigarettes and cigars, but they also chew tobacco. When I was a very young man, the older women in the community of Anderson Town chewed tobacco, but most Jamaicans smoke cigarettes.

I was told that people who engage in smoking carry this unpleasant odour, and I think that's perhaps what you are talking about. You know that if your girlfriend continues to smoke, she may suffer from a long-term effect, such as lung cancer, cancer of the mouth, throat, pancreas, bladder, kidney, stomach and cervix. I understand also that there are those who may suffer from chronic heart disease, discoloured fingernails and teeth. You should seriously consider encouraging your girlfriend to go to a doctor who used to smoke, preferably a female, who would show her the dangers of smoking.

I would not encourage you to end the relationship with this lovely woman if smoking is the only fault you have found in her. When I was growing up, many young girls smoked because it was fashionable; some did so under peer pressure. So again I say, please do not abandon your girlfriend because she smokes. But try to do your best to get her to stop.

Pastor