Husband spends all his time on the phone with guys

Dear Pastor,

I am a 'yam head' and that is the reason I cannot criticise any other woman.

I have been married for more than a decade and taking all kinds of disrespect. Every time I call my husband, he is on another call; it doesn't matter what time of day or night. What hurts the most is that he will not put the callers on hold to even answer me. He says he has to complete his call. Sometimes I wait for 30 minutes or more for him to call back. God forbid, but sometimes I express my feelings and all hell breaks loose.

What concerns me is that he is talking to men. His brother and friends call him every five minutes. He calls his male friends all the time and they live on the phone. Sometimes I want some sex, but he is on the phone entertaining. When he is finished talking to them, he starts smoking weed. He would take a shower, but that will not happen until after 11 p.m. I cannot blame the men who call him, but I wonder if they don't think that this man would want to spend some time with his wife when he is home. So, in essence, this man is having a relationship with his male counterparts. He lives on the phone with them, calls them when he is on the road, and stays with them when he gets in the house from his trips.

You can never see him without the phone in his right hand. Years ago he would wake up and hold his penis, but in the last four years he wakes up and holds his phone. I have never cheated, but since lately, I have stopped telling men that I am married, and will not refuse to give a guy my number. I believe that this marriage is holding me hostage from my real husband, because I am yet to experience what a real marriage is with unconditional love, respect and loyalty, and great sex. I feel like I am married to myself. This is just one problem. I can write a book.

Singly Married

Dear Singly Married,

Some of the things you have written we cannot print. We believe you have mentioned certain things out of frustration.

Your husband has many male friends and it seems they are in the same type of business that he does. So they are always communicating, but you seem to believe that they are having more than just business conversations. Your husband seems to be a hard worker, but someone needs to tell him that you need him. He does not seem to realise that emotionally, psychologically and even physically, you are suffering. He cannot do without his phone. But his phone should be turned off when he is in bed with you. Common sense should even tell him that whenever you call and he cannot speak to you at that moment, he should return your call. That is just good manners. Your calls are just as important as his friends'. He should learn to show respect to you.

You say you are beginning to tell the men you meet that you are not married, and you are tempted to tell them that you are not married because you would like to try and have an affair. I beg you, please, don't go that way. I would suggest that you tell this man that you are suggesting that both of you go to see a family counsellor and discuss the problem that you are having. I believe that you love your husband. I would not say that he does not love you, but I would say that he is taking you for granted. So it is time for him to pull up his socks, so to speak.

Pastor