Frustrated by my one-minute man

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I need your advice. I am in a relationship with a guy who is 27 years old. We have been together for one year. The first time we had sex, as he entered he ejaculated. I thought it was weird, but he said it was because he was nervous and anxious. I said okay, but Pastor, that has been the case every single time. At 27 years old he should be in top form. I should be the one running from him.

He refuses to get checked by a doctor. He was a heavy smoker and drinker. He stopped smoking and has cut down his drinking, but he is still not performing. I am fed up at this stage, and feeling sorry for him at the same time. For one year I feel as if I am wasting my time. Please hide my name. I am looking forward to your response. Thank you.

S.

Dear S.,

This young man is suffering from premature ejaculation. I have commented on this topic numerous times.

But I would comment briefly on the matter again. I am sure that I will have to do so at another time because more people are going to ask. Premature ejaculation will affect not just one partner, but both partners. A man who cannot control his ejaculation suffers a lot, much more than his partner sometimes, because his partner can do different things to cause her to climax and to feel satisfied. Evidently, you are not doing anything to help yourself, hence you're complaining.

I hate to tell you that in these days, couples resort to sex toys. I trust that the Lord will forgive me, because there are going to be many people who would say that as a pastor, I should not mention these things. Your partner has never learned how to control his ejaculation. It might be that he cannot control it, so he will need professional help. You say your man ejaculates as soon as he enters you. At least he enters, but there are those who ejaculate on themselves before they enter. It happens to men who are married and men who are not married. Some of these men are young, some are middle-age, and it happens even in a ripe old age.

The use of the condom can help to reduce premature ejaculation, but that is not the real reason why the condom was made. I am only saying that it helps to reduce it. Some men even masturbate when they are planning to have sexual intercourse, because they believe that it would decrease their anxiety and the fear of ejaculating as soon as they begin to make love. A man needs to learn self-control. He needs to seek professional help, and an ordinary doctor might not be able to help him. This is a specialised area. Unfortunately, there are not many in Jamaica. You may seek the advice of a sex therapist, who may teach this man and you how to practise certain exercises that can help him to control sexual dysfunction.

That is all I think I should say on this matter.

Pastor