Think my man is cheating on me

Dear Pastor,

I would like you to advise me about what I should do in my situation. I have been living with a man for three years. We are not married, but we have talked about it. He drives a company vehicle and he picks me up and takes me home. But recently, I have to wait for a long time after I have checked out. I told him whenever he is going to be late, he should let me know so that I can arrange with a taxi to take me home. He is a technician.

I have become suspicious of my boyfriend. Twice I called his workplace and I was advised by his supervisor that he had left the compound and there was no urgent work for him to do on the road. When he got home, I told him what I was told and he said that the supervisor doesn't like him and he wants to break us up. Another evening, the same thing happened, but this time when he came home, he brought me a gift. It was something I needed but did not expect to get. I don't want to lose this man.

I used to be able to use his phone, but now he has put a password on it. I do not understand why he has suddenly changed. He tells me that he is not seeing anybody, yet when we are together and his phone rings, he does not answer it in front of me. Don't you think something is wrong? I answer my phone whenever it rings. What do you think is going on? I asked him if he is tired of me. He said he can't be tired of the best girl he has ever had in his life. So please tell me what I should do.

K.M.

Dear K.M.,

You may ask this man to tell you the truth. You may tell him that you are aware that he is seeing someone else.

Don't make it a wild argument. But you know something is wrong, because it is out of character for him to buy you gifts if you are not celebrating a special event. Some men don't realise that that's a big giveaway when they start giving their women gifts that they did not expect for any particular reason. Such gifts are intended to keep their partners quiet.

I am not trying to destroy your relationship, but I cannot encourage you to remain with a man who is a liar, and who might have sex with other women and may pass on an STI. You should insist that he wears a condom when you are having sex. He may tell you that there is no need for him to do so because he is faithful to you. Tell him that if he loves you, he should not object to using the condom.

Try to be objective during the relationship - but keep your head on your body. It might be difficult to remain calm at all times, but try your best to be calm. Make different arrangements to go home from work. Don't allow him to believe that you have to depend on him to take you home.

Check with your doctor and tell him or her that you suspect that your man might be having affairs with other women, so you would like to be checked out, to be on the safe side.

Pastor