Boyfriend keeps making excuses not to get married

Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old woman and I have fallen in love with a man. I would like the both of us to get married because I do not like to be living with him in concubinage.

Every time we discuss marriage, he says that I should not try to force him - I should just wait on time. I am not forcing him, but I know it is not right for me to be living this way. I told him that my father and mother were married before they started to live together. I should be following in their footsteps. He told me things have changed and it is not that he is not going to marry me, but I should just wait until he is able to do so. I told him I am willing to have a simple wedding ceremony and we can always invite our friends and relatives to a big reception when we are in a better financial situation. In fact, we do not even have to have a wedding reception.

This man told me that my parents wouldn't like to see me get married and I did not invite close relatives and friends. I was so embarrassed. A few nights ago, I went to bed and locked the bedroom door so he could not enter the room. He told me that if he knew that I was going to lock the door, he would have stayed out all night because locking the bedroom door was unnecessary.

He said living together is a good way to find out whether we would live happy and in harmony when we get married. What do you think about that?

R.M.

Dear R.M.,

I don't know from where your boyfriend gets that mentality. I have heard that nonsense before, but it is nothing but foolishness.

I think what he is trying to say is that when a couple lives together, they can consider that to be trial marriage. So while they are living together and they are always fussing and so on, they can walk away and use the excuse that they are not compatible for each other. If two people are living together and are always fussing, what they should do is seek professional help. Moving from one partner to the other wouldn't make much sense.

There are so many women who have allowed men to use them in that way. So, please, tell this man that you are not going to allow him to treat you like a yo-yo or a puppet. Both of you should plan a date for your wedding, seek the advice of a counsellor and move on. It is very important to have premarital counselling. You may think that you know this man very well, but many things should be discussed before your wedding day such as finances, health issues and children.

I wish you well.

Pastor