Boyfriend said that he wants more sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I have learnt a lot by reading your column. My father always insisted that we should read it.

He said your column would open our understanding, and by reading it, men would not trick us easily. He always bought THE STAR and carried it home.

One day, my parents were in bed and my sister and I were together. We heard when our mother told our father "Lord, John, hurry up and come nuh." I whispered to my sister, "Where they going?" My sister told me, "You are too fool, that's not what mama means." My sister had to explain to me what our mother was saying because later on in the night, we heard our father saying to our mother, "Mi coming now." I did not know that when a man says to his woman that he is coming, he is saying that he is about to ejaculate, or she is trying to beg him to ejaculate when she says "hurry up and come". Sometimes, women want their men to ejaculate so they can get some rest.

Recently, this new boyfriend that I have told me that he is not having enough of me; he says that our sex together is too short. When we have sex, it is for about half an hour, but he is complaining that that is not enough. How can 30 minutes not be enough for a couple? This man wants to go on and on. It seems that he wants to dry me out, and I don't enjoy long, drawn-out sex.

I am at the place now where I want to end the relationship with this man, and I told him so. He said that the reason why I want to leave him is because I have found another man. These men cannot take correction at all. This man is so very large; I can hardly manage when we are having sex. Apart from that, he is a good man. I am quite satisfied with having sex with him for a few minutes, but he just wants to go on and on. What should I do?

S.T.

Dear S.T.,

Couples need to reason with each other and learn that sex is not the only important thing in a relationship.

There are so many other things that can be done in a relationship that make it enjoyable. Each partner has a role to play. Each partner should learn to be skilful and find out how to enjoy their mate. For example, some females always want to do certain positions, and they never want to change. If any suggestion is made about a change, the other partner is ready to question why should such a role be changed, or ask where did the partner learn to do such and such a position. Those kinds of questions can lead to a separation.

When simple questions are asked, and straightforward answers are not given, the best thing the couple should agree to do is to seek professional help, and do so early.

Pastor