My brother took my virginity

Dear Pastor,

I am 29 and I lost my virginity when I was 16 years old. My partner was my brother. He was 17.

It was also the first time he was having sex. We got involved by playing around; we were the only ones at home and he said he wanted to look at me. I asked him why. He said he had never seen a gir's vagina. Well, we started to fool around and I took off my underwear and said, "You can look at me now." He said he didn't mean it that way - he wanted to see everything. So I said, "Alright then, look at me."

He turned me around and peeped, and said that he didn't know that is how it looked. Then he pushed his penis inside me and started to wine up on me. He asked me how I was feeling, but I did not know how to describe it. But I felt funny. As I said, it was the first time either of us was having sex. I knew when I was about to climax. I told him to get off me. I was very scared, so I asked him if he wasn't afraid of getting me pregnant. He said no, he didn't think that he could get me pregnant that way.

One day, I asked one of my schoolmates if she had ever had sex and she said no. I told her what I had done, but I did not mention that it was with my brother. I told her that it was with a friend. She said I should not have done so because that friend is old enough to get me pregnant. I fretted for the whole month because she told me that if I didn't see my menses, that would mean that I could be pregnant. So when my menses came I was very happy.

After two months, I saw it again and I told my friend that I saw my period again. She said, "Well, that means you are safe." My brother told me that he was sorry that he encouraged me to have sex with him, and I told him that we shouldn't do it again. He agreed, but did not keep his word. He encouraged me to have sex with him again, and we almost did, but we didn't go through with it.

I don't know how to tell you this, but I have fallen in love with my brother. I have other brothers. But this one who took my virginity is special to me. I can get anything from him. He even has a special name for me. He is married. My mother always asks me why we are so close. Sometimes he cooks and leaves some of the food for me. My brother told me that he still has a weakness for me.

What do you think is our problem? I have secrets for my brother, and he has some for me.

P.T.

Dear P.T.,

You cannot change what has happened, but what you can do is to put the past behind you.

You have to learn to repent and consider what has happened between your brother and you as unfortunate. The desire your brother still has for you is a sinful one. Neither of you should encourage the same feelings for each other. Your brother is married; he should not encourage that sinful desire.

I am not condemning you for what has happened. But try not to be alone with your brother at all, because I am sure you would not want what has happened in the past to happen again.

Pastor