Didn’t know my boyfriend had another girl

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old and I have been dating a man who is 26. We have been getting along fairly well, but I am trying to understand him.

He does not talk much about himself. He is not Jamaican, but he has been living in the island for six years. He came to Jamaica to study, and, according to him, he fell in love with Jamaica and he would like to stay. He said people have told him that the best way to stay in Jamaica is to find a good Jamaican girl and get married. I asked him what is stopping him from doing so. He said he doesn't want to get married just to stay in the country. He will get married when he finds someone he truly loves, and that has not happened as yet.

I don't know if I should believe him, because he is good-looking and he is on a scholarship. He is not struggling. He is a better Christian than I am. You may wonder why I said that he is a better Christian. Twice I had to force him to have sex with me and he told me that we are Christians, so we should not engage in sex as unmarried people. We did it, but I was ashamed that as a man, he had to talk to me about it.

Now I have missed my period and I told him. He said that if I am pregnant he cannot marry me, because he made a commitment to another girl in one of the islands, so he would have to keep his word to her. I asked him why he didn't tell me. He said that he was afraid he would hurt my feelings. I do not want to have a child outside of wedlock. I really love this man. I do not know what to do. I introduced him to my parents and they love him. Nobody knows what I am going through now. I have even been considering doing an abortion. I told him that I would consider writing to you first and getting your opinion.

So please, tell us what you consider to be the right thing to do.

M.T.

Dear M.T.,

If this man and you have been going together for three years, and you have been having unprotected sex, both of you should know that you exposed yourself to get pregnant.

I have given your age, but I have not said the type of work both of you do. But you said that you are the aggressor when it comes to sex, and he reminded you that as Christians, you should not engage in such activity. That did not stop you, and now you are pregnant.

He is a strange young man, because he gave you the impression that he does not want to talk about marriage. Now you know that the reason why he didn't like to talk about marriage is because he has a girlfriend in an island, and he made a commitment to her before coming to Jamaica. He does not know how to break the news to her that he has got another girl pregnant.

You should ask him for the young woman's address and telephone number, and you should get in touch with her. You should advise her of the 'damage' that he has caused upon you. You should also inform his parents and ask them to speak to him about marrying you, because you do not wish to have a child out of wedlock. I know that some people will not agree with me.

This man and you are to be blamed for your carelessness. But having said the above, if this man does not love you, don't expect him to marry you. Please, do not terminate your pregnancy. If he does not want to marry you, have your child and consider giving it up for adoption.

Pastor