Mother-in-law told her son my secret

Dear Pastor,

I have three children. Their father and I have been friends for a long time. We started our relationship in high school.

We had our ups and downs but we never left each other. His mother told me that we were meant for each other. So we worked hard together. His mother can barely read. Her father left her a piece of land and she handed it over to my children's father. We worked hard and we got help to build a two-bedroom house. We built another room so that his mother could be comfortable.

I went to HEART and I learnt housekeeping. My children's father was able to go on the farm work programme. While he was there, he sent me money. One day he said he met a girl and he was tempted not to come back because people told him that he could marry her, then get divorced and return to marry me. I discouraged him from doing so, and I told him I have been faithful, so he should remember our pledge. When he came home, we discussed everything and he said he wasn't thinking straight.

I got a job in a hotel and I met a man who told me he has been admiring me and wants us to be friends. I told him that can't work because I have a man and we have children together. This man is really testing me. He told me he can do more for me than my children's father like buying me a car. I asked him where he would get the money from and he said he can't tell me everything at once. I am really tempted to spend some time with him just to test him out.

I trust my children's father and I trust his mother, so I told her about this man and begged her not to tell her son. She told me she would keep her word, but she did not. She told her son and he asked me about it. I was so surprised. Now my children's father says he is starting to doubt me because he is not sure that I did not have sex with the man. His mother told me that she mentioned the man because she doesn't want to see us break up. Now, does that make any sense? I told her if I wanted him to know, I would have told him myself.

I don't know what to do. So I am writing you or your advice. I am really worried.

K.R.

Dear K.R.,

You spoke to your mother-in-law in confidence. You trusted her. You did not at all expect her to divulge any information that you gave.

You spoke to her as you would to your mother. I suppose you felt that you really wanted to talk to somebody in whom you had confidence. Instead of keeping it to herself, she told her son. Her reason, as she declared, was that she was scared that something may happen and you would develop a sexual relationship with this co-worker and destroy the good relationship you have with her son. That is indeed very sad. Now you feel very unhappy and betrayed.

I can understand what you are going through. I am trying to figure out why you feel so hurt. Your children's father loves you and he has a genuine love for his mother and he admires the way you both get along. He knows that some women don't even like to live in the same home with mothers-in-law, so he is very happy for the good relationship that you two have. It is genuine.

Some men tell their mothers everything about their women. Likewise there are men who feel that for a man to hear from his mother that another man is showing interest in his woman and his mother was aware of it and didn't say anything, he is going to feel unhappy. So she thought she would put him on his guard, so to speak. His mother did not need to imply that he should not trust you in the future. So now, you have to get your mother-in-law to understand that no one, absolutely no one, can come between her son and you. You should also end the close relationship with this man. That means that you should stop talking to him or accept any favours from him.

I feel that you should assure your mother-in-law that you will not hold anything against her although you feel she let you down.

Pastor