Caught having sex with my side chick at work

Dear Pastor,

I am a 51-year-old man and I am married. My wife is 41 and she works part-time.

I work as a security guard and the money is small, so I have to work long hours to carry home something substantial. I have two outside children, and while my wife is satisfied with what I take home, the mother of the two children is always fussing and threatening to take me to court. Believe me, I am trying.

My wife says that she is seeking another job, but she does not want to work full-time. I am so frustrated in this place, because my love for her has been changing. When I get home, the place is not always tidy and sometimes I have to buy food on the road. She totally turns me off. I find myself loving a co-worker and she is willing to do anything for me. Both of us nearly lost our jobs because another co-worker reported us to the girl's supervisor. She saw us having sex in one of the company's vans. My girlfriend's supervisor called us and warned us. We had to beg the supervisor not to file a report, so as to save us from losing our jobs.

I got married to my wife who had nothing, and now I am unhappy. Not long ago, we had a little fuss and she told me she could do without me and all I have is a big belly and a little penis. I don't want to stay in this relationship, but I am concerned about my children because I see them every week. I have a visa, but going abroad would mean that I would not be able to see them. When this woman told me about my penis and my belly, I realise that I can't stay with her. So maybe I should end the relationship and go my own way. Not many men would put up with her nastiness in the house.

What suggestion can you give to me?

R.B.

Dear R.B.,

I would suggest that the first thing you should do is to try and save your marriage.

Tell your wife that both of you need to see a family counsellor, and when you go, don't hold back anything; explain everything to the counsellor. I can tell you that if you were treating your wife well (and I believe that you are) she is likely to deny everything. But speak the truth when you meet with the counsellor and say exactly what you do. You may also challenge the mother of your children. You may tell her that she can go ahead and take you to Family Court and you would apply for custody of the two children.

I am a little confused because you gave the impression that your wife used to be satisfied with what you gave to her, so what has caused her to change? Not every relationship can be saved, but if you know that you are trying your best and your wife is not helping you to be comfortable at home, it might be time for you to move on.

You are fortunate that you were not fired when you were caught having sex in the van; don't let that happen again. But before I go, let me just warn you that although you have a visa, that is no guarantee that you can go abroad and work. Many relatives who encourage others to do so get tired of them and leave them on their own. So be cautious; be careful about what you are doing.

Pastor