Grandma doesn’t want me to disappoint her

Dear Pastor,

I am a 17-year-old girl and I have a boyfriend who is 18. I love him very much; he is my first boyfriend.

I allowed him to take my virginity and he said that since I allowed him to do that, I am his responsibility. I live with my grandmother. She sent me to school and she is always cautioning me, telling me not to let her down. My mother left me with my grandmother when I was only a baby. We don't communicate often. My grandpa is a farmer and he has never allowed my granny and I to go hungry. There is always food in the house. My grandmother taught me to cook from I was about 12. I learnt to do a lot for myself.

I took the risk when I had sex with my boyfriend. My grandmother was not at home. My boyfriend is working and he gives me money every week. When I had sex for the first time, my grandmother suspected and she asked me about it. I told her a lie at first, and then she told me that she knew what I did because she saw the signs. So I told her the truth. She warned me and told me that she did not want me to 'turn big woman' on her, and she doesn't want to see me get pregnant. I told her that she didn't have to be afraid of that because my boyfriend uses protection.

I don't want to disappoint my grandparents because I am not suffering. I just want to get some more guidance. I go to church every weekend, and I am planning to go to UTech. Thank you for reading my letter. Don't think I am a bad girl; I am not.

E.D.

Dear E.D.,

Every girl makes mistakes. In fact, I should broaden that; every person makes mistakes.

Remember, however, that there are some mistakes that are very costly and you may never be able to correct them. You might be able to learn how to deal with them. Remember, you are only 17 and you have become sexually active. When your grandmother suspected that you had been with a man and she asked you, I am glad that you eventually told her the truth. She has been warning you not to disappoint her, so bear that in mind.

Your boyfriend has had experience and he knew that he should not have unprotected sex with you, so he didn't. You say you want to go to UTech; that means you want to be a professional. Focus on your future. Time rushes on, so please do not waste time.

I am glad that you attend church every Sunday; read your Bible and pray. I believe you are a good girl, and having sex with your boyfriend has not made you a bad girl. Keep only one boyfriend, just one. This man told you that he feels responsible for you. Time will tell if he meant what he said. You have explained yourself well in your letter. I encourage you to focus on your future.

Bye, young miss, bye-bye.

Pastor