Husband’s ex-girlfriend wants him back

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for many years, and I thank you for your guidance. I am 32 and I got married in 2017.

My husband and I started dating when I was 18; we have two young children. Everything was great until I got pregnant with my second child. One month into my pregnancy, my husband changed. We planned for the baby. He always wanted two children. Whenever my husband comes home from work, all he does is bathe, eat and text his woman. Whenever I ask him why he is always texting another woman, he said she is his friend, and he knew her long before me.

Remember, Pastor, I was pregnant at the moment and he was not paying me any mind. He was not even having sex with me. I searched his phone and I saw nude pictures of the woman. He cursed me and told me I was looking for trouble. I have a temper that I try to control. When he saw what was going to happen, he said he never wanted her, but she was forcing herself on him. I asked him if he had sex with her and he said no. I don't believe him. I was seven months pregnant when we had the argument. So, I gave the matter a rest.

I almost lost my life during childbirth because of this man and his relationship with the woman. I searched his phone again and saw more nude pictures of her. She was his ex-girlfriend. I was really hurt. I have tried my best with this man. This girl didn't want to have anything to do with him when he was down and out. I worked with him, and we built a big house. We have our own cars. We don't have money issues. I have tried to be a good wife to him. I saw where his ex was telling him that I don't appreciate him. She had him, but did not stand by his side. Now he is somebody, and she sees what he has achieved, so she wants him back.

I told him he could go back to her, but he doesn't want to. I need a break from him. I am hurt and I feel betrayed. I truly loved him because I don't have any family apart from him. I feel like killing myself. He is a good father to the children, but I cannot believe what he has done to me. I did not know he would treat me this way.

Unnamed

Dear Writer,

I must let you know that it is not unusual for ex-lovers to try and get back into the lives of former partners.

Some women rejected men because they did not believe that these men were going anywhere. They thought they were not progressive enough, or they were not making enough money. So they chased these men away. After these men found other women who helped them, the eyes of their former partners were opened, and they tried their best to renew relationships with these men. Some intelligent men would have none of it, but others, like dummies, would play a double game - not realising that these women who rejected them and chased them away were only after their money. It was always a money game.

Your children's father is not being wise. This ex-girlfriend only wants his money. He has told you that she is forcing herself on him. But if he uses his intelligence, he would back away from her and tell her that he will never come back to her. He should tell her that you treat him very well and he is proud of you. You are a good woman; only good women take men who have nothing and work with them to achieve much. You said you are tired of him. I don't doubt you.

But you have put your foot down and you need to tell this man that if he prefers his ex, he may go, but he would be a loser. Tell him that both of you should go for counselling. If he agrees to go, call a family counsellor and make an appointment.

Pastor