Son found our X-rated movies

Dear Pastor,

I am a 40-year-old mother of three children, two girls and one boy. My husband and I have adult movies that we watch occasionally.

Some of them are very X-rated. My son is 13 and my husband and I went to Florida for a few days. We have a dear friend who was getting married. When we came back to Jamaica, I observed how I left my dresser. It had been disturbed. I became curious. I questioned my children why they went into my dresser and the girls said that they did not. One of them told me that her brother was the one who went in there and that he took out two of our videos and went over his friend's yard with them.

My husband spoke to him and he admitted that he was responsible for taking them away. I was very angry with the boy, so I asked him: Do you have a girlfriend? Why were you looking at those videos? He said he did so because they gave him pleasure. I thought his father would have slapped him, but he told me to deal with him. His father and I have watched many of these videos but we did so in our own bedroom and we never turned the volume up. We wonder if the boy was listening. The girls said that they could hear their brother and his friends at the neighbour's carrying on and laughing and enjoying themselves.

My husband and I have a video of ourselves having sex and it was at the bottom of the other videos. Can you imagine if he had seen that one? What would he have thought about us? I told my husband to give away all these videos. My husband says the boy is 13 and he is a big man. The only thing we can punish him for is for going into my dresser. Pastor, what do you suggest that we do? He is such a bright boy. We have not discussed this problem with anybody. We decided to ask you for your suggestion.

Distressed Parents

Dear Distressed Parents,

Don't be mad with me but I have to tell you the truth. Your husband and you acted like careless people.

Videos of such nature should have been locked away carefully in a place where your son or daughters do not have access. Children are inquisitive, especially boys, and, whether you would admit it or not, he was aware that you had these videos and was waiting for the perfect opportunity to look at them. He found some of them, took them to the neighbour's house, and they were having fun. Perhaps, there were girls with them and they played around. I am not saying your husband and you are bad parents; I am just saying that you were careless.

Tell me now, what did you want your husband to do with your son? Did you expect him to beat the boy? Would that have solved the problem? Not at all. He got a full dose of sex education which was beyond his age. He was greatly entertained, and so were his friends. So, whenever the both of you are talking to this young man, don't talk to him as a child; talk to him as a man. Yes, a forced-ripe man, and remind him occasionally that, although he saw certain things in those videos, he ought not to practise them.

Pastor