Babyfather left me for a green card

Dear Pastor,

I am 32 and the mother of two children. Their father and I lived together for seven years.

One Sunday after the children and I returned from church, this man told me that he wanted to end the relationship because he found a new girl. He said he had thought about it for a long time, and the girl was in the island and they wanted to get married.

She was planning to return to America and file for him. He said he did not want to tell me, but his mother told him that he should because she would not want anybody to do that to her. He also told me that he loved me more than his new girlfriend, but she could do more for him. He said I should not fret because he planned to marry her, stay with her for three years, and then divorce her and come back to Jamaica and marry me. He said he would take me and the children to America.

I asked him what would happen if I had a man during those years. He said he did not expect me to have a man because what he is doing is business and he is not planning to have a long-term relationship with this woman. Her father is a businessman and she works with him and controls the money. Well, Pastor, I did not agree, and I told him that I knew that I could not stop him. I could not sleep that night. The next morning my eyes were swollen because I cried all night. I could not go to work. I told him I was going to kill him if he went through with his plans.

He did not come home that Monday night. Early Tuesday morning, he called to check up on me and told me that he got married and his wife was going to leave in a few days. I did not see him until Friday. By that time, I had family support. My brother and two sisters stayed with me and they encouraged me. I remember my brother telling me not to carry out any threats. He said my children's father didn't deserve me. When this man came home and saw all my siblings, he greeted them, but nobody said anything to him about what I told them. He went to America and stayed there until he got his green card. He called occasionally and I only talked to him whenever it was necessary. But I allowed the children to talk to him. I didn't need this man any more. I was happy with my children. I rented a house with one of my sisters, so it was like my children had two mothers.

Life is so strange. One of my sisters is a medical doctor and I went to work with her. I met a man who brought his sister to the office. He started telling me how much he admired me and wanted to know whether we could go out, which we did. He was divorced, as he had caught his wife cheating. Eventually, he proposed to me and my family encouraged me to marry him.

My children and I are happy with this man. A few days before I got married, the children's father called and they told him that I was getting married. He asked to speak to me and asked whether the children were talking the truth; I told him they were. He said I should not get married because his relationship is not working out, so he was planning to come home and marry me. I told him to try his best to work out his problems with his wife because I don't need him. After I got married, he called and asked me if he could come home and stay with us. My sister told him that he is wasting his time and that his karma would catch up on him.

B.C.

Dear B.C.,

The father of your children threw away a good relationship because he was not honest.

One could describe him as a wicked man. You haven't done him any wrong, but he allowed an American woman to come to Jamaica to show him that she was in love with him. I am glad you have good siblings who encouraged and helped you to overcome his wickedness. I wish you well, and I hope that your husband will treat you well and with respect.

I am glad that your children love their stepfather. Please endeavour to live an upright life.

Pastor