Sex is too painful with my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old and I am living with my boyfriend. He is 31. He is very kind and helpful.

He comes from a good family. I respect his parents and they respect me. When I met his mother for the first time, she told him in my presence that she was hoping that I would be the last girl he would introduce to her. She told me that he is always bringing home girls and the relationships don't last for long. She has three boys, and she said if she had a girl, she would not want a man to fool her, so I should not allow him to fool me. He told his mother that since he has met me, he has come to realise that I am the one for him and he would stop playing the field.

His mother told me that his brothers are married and have children, so she is not going behind his back to talk to me about him. To prove that he was serious about me, he took me to a jewellery store and bought me an engagement ring. His friends planned a small engagement party for him and he asked me to marry him, and of course, I said yes.

But I am having a problem. This man is not my first boyfriend. I had three other men and I had sex with all three. But whenever I have sex with my present boyfriend, I suffer from pain. This man is tall, he is six feet, one inch, and he has a very large penis. When we had sex for the first time and I told him that I was in pain, he told me that I would get over that if we have sex regularly. But I am still having pain. I don't know what the problem is.

V.B.

Dear V.B.,

I am not a medical doctor, so what I say here should not be taken as an advice.

However, from my own reading, I understand that when a woman is not well prepared for sex, and by that I mean she is not lubricated, she may suffer pain. The dryness of the vagina may cause her not to enjoy sex.

On the other hand, I have had to counsel women who have told me that their men were so large that they always had to endure pain during sexual intercourse, regardless of how much jelly they used. One young woman told me that she always has to go to her doctor after having sex with her man, and the doctor advised her to end the relationship with the guy. The man was so upset that he decided to destroy much of what he gave her as gifts.

I want to believe that there must be other problems that will cause a woman to suffer from pains in her vagina, so I would suggest that you talk to your gynaecologist as soon as you can.

Pastor