My parents don’t know I’m planning to get married

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you, I am writing about a problem I am having at home with my parents.

I am 19 years old and two years ago, I went to America with my parents. While I was there, I fell in love with the neighbour's son. He is also 19. He met my parents and asked them if they would allow me to marry him. My parents told him that we were too young to get married. He said he was not too young and he is working.

Anyway, I went out with him and he was a real gentleman. We were staying at my aunt's house, my mom's sister. She said she did not know anything about this man except for seeing him in the neighbourhood. This guy and I only kissed, nothing more. He asked my parents if he could come to Jamaica and stay with us and they told him they would have to think about it. My parents discussed it with my aunt and she said she was not in favour of that, but if he is visiting Jamaica, he could stay somewhere else. But it would be too risky to have him at our house. I asked my parents and my aunt if that meant that they don't trust me. My aunt said it is not a matter of not trusting me, but my parents would be putting butter in puss mouth. I got the message.

This man came to Jamaica in July. I did not tell my parents that he was coming. He stayed in a guest house just outside of Ocho Rios. I lied and told my parents that I was going out for the day with a friend. I went straight to look for the guy and that is where I lost my virginity. I had sex with him twice and I got back to Kingston that night. My parents didn't have a clue that the guy was in Jamaica. I have made up my mind to marry him. My parents cannot stop me because I am over 18.

I am still in school, but will graduate next year. He is working with a car rental company. I do not want to be disrespectful to my parents. Since my boyfriend and I have had sex, I find myself wanting sex very often. Do you think that I should tell my parents that we intend to get married next summer? He will be on vacation at that time and his parents will come for the wedding. Do you think I am too young to get married? Sometime when he calls me at nights, I don't want him to hang up, and I cry myself to sleep.

I used to be a Christian, but I am not any more. I plan to become a Christian again after I get married. My boyfriend is not a Christian.

E.L.

Dear E.L.,

Suddenly you have become eager to get married. You don't know a whole lot about this young man.

Your aunt told you that she doesn't know much about this man. She has seen him in the community but she doesn't know anything about his character. I don't have any doubt that you love him. Women seem to fall in love easier than men. Men would tell women that they love them, but the love that they have is to get into the women's pants or under their skirts.

I think that you should have dated longer and not just with one man. I will not insult you at all, but you have behaved as a girl who is 'easy to get'. I cannot say that you are not old enough to get married, but I believe that you should have followed your parents' advice. You did a very wrong thing when you met this man in the Ocho Rios area without your parents' knowledge. That is not how good girls behave. Your parents should have been told that you were going out of town.

I cannot support you getting married and not informing your parents. Think over the matter carefully and let your parents know of your plans.

Pastor