My girlfriend's father hates me

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you about my love life. I am 25 years old and I am in love with my neighbour's daughter. She is 23.

Her father does not like me, so I do not go to her home to visit her. We see each other during the week. He promised to throw her out if she has a relationship with me.

When she was 21, she was in a relationship with a guy. She did not love him. When we got involved and she told me she was a virgin, I doubted her.

I asked her if she never had sex with the guy and she said no. I did not believe her until we had the opportunity to have sex.

You see, pastor, I grew up with my mother. I have never met my father. So my girlfriend says that her father said that I don't know much about family life and I would embarrass her.

Pastor, this is the woman I like, but I don't want to cause a problem in her family life. Sometimes during the holidays I want to take her out, but she can't go because her father would be upset.

I am an only child. My mother loves my girlfriend and she said that she would support me in whatever I do. Her father is a very influential man.

My girlfriend told me that the best thing for us to do is to leave the area and go and rent a place on our own.

I told my mother about the idea and my mother said we could save the money that we were going to use to pay rent.

The father hates me so much that whenever I see him and I say hello, he does not answer me.

Do you think I should end the relationship with this girl or accept the suggestion that we should go on our own? Please, tell me, because I am confused.

T.L

Dear T.L,

It's a beautiful thing to have in-laws who like you and to be able to visit them from time to time, but so often that does not happen.

But if a couple is determined to make life together, fathers-in law and mothers-in law, and everybody else ,ought to leave them alone. Parents should learn not to choose for their children.

MAKE LIFE TOGETHER

You are saying that the parents hate you, but both of you are determined to make life together. I know that sometimes parents have spent lots of money on their children and they feel that their children must always follow what they say, regardless of how old they are.

I am assuming that your girlfriend does not want to hurt her parents in any way, but she has her life to live. Perhaps her parents just don't like you because you are poor.

I suggest that your girlfriend should talk to her parents one more time and let them know that she is determined to have you as her man and she would like you to meet with them for a talk.

She should say that she would love for them to give her permission for you to come to the home to visit her. And, if they are not willing to do so, she is prepared to move out and go on her own.

Please, understand that I am not encouraging you to take this young woman and to live with her in concubinage.

If she has to leave home, both of you should plan to get married soon after she leave.

Pastor