My friend said she slept with my man

Dear Pastor,

I have a boyfriend. He is 24 years old, and I am 26 years old. I introduced him to my 40-year-old female friend. My boyfriend is a mechanic. She asked him, to do some work on her car. I was glad because he lost his job and was depending on me for everything.

She promised to introduce him to her friends and to encourage them to give him their cars to service. She lives in a big family yard, so she told him that he could use her yard to work on the cars. After two weeks, I noticed that he and this woman became very close. So I asked him what was going on, and he said nothing; they had just become very good friends.

Whenever I got home, I would cook and keep his dinner on the stove. I also noticed that he would come home and put the food in the refrigerator. I asked him if he had eaten, and he said yes, the woman had given him dinner. This is a man who loves his sex, and sometimes I am in the bed naked and he wouldn't even touch me. I asked him what happened to him, and he said he was tired.

One night when he was asleep, I decided to search his pocket, and I found condoms in his pocket. We do not use condoms because we are trying to have a baby. I decided to stop cooking, and one Friday evening after leaving work, I went home, showered, and went up to her house. When my boyfriend saw me, he was surprised and asked me why I had come there. I told him that I was going to stay up there with him. He told me that I should go home, and I told him no.

SURPRISED

Whatever he is doing that is getting him so tired, he has to do it to both of us. The lady (my friend), when she saw me, she was surprised. I told her that he was not coming home and that he told me that she was the one keeping him, so I had come to stay with the both of them so we could have a threesome. She told me that she was not into that and that she was not trying to take away my man from me.

When I told her that I wanted a threesome, I did not mean it. She told my boyfriend that he should hurry and go home with me. She said that she did not want him, but that it was he who was pushing up himself on her. I asked her why she did not tell me that he was pushing himself on her, but she didn't answer.

This is a married woman whose husband is overseas on a work programme.

After the incident, I left and went home. When my boyfriend came, I had packed his clothes in two garbage bags, and I told him to go to her. I also called one of his brothers who drives a taxi to come and pick him up. He denied everything.

A few days after, he called me, begging me to take him back and saying that he would not go back to the lady's house. And she called and admitted to me that they had had sex but that she wasn't trying to take him away from me.

He has two children, and the mother of his children doesn't want him back. I feel sorry for him. I am asking you to tell me what I should do. My heart is telling me to give him another chance. The woman he got involved with is not a bad-looking woman, but I am much prettier than she is. She has nothing over me. I am looking out for your answer in THE STAR.

E.C.

Dear E.C.,

Your girlfriend admitted to you that she and your boyfriend had sex. Her husband was away wh en that happened. You did not e xpect this man and this woman to get in volved sexually. Some folks may blame you and say that you are careless, but I don't see it that way. What he did was allow his sexual appetite to get the better of him. You say that he loves his sex, but he wasn't hard up, he was living with you. You were always available, but he probably found it difficult to resist this woman.

No one should blame you for putting him out. He has behaved as a fool. Evidently, he has come to his senses and has realised that he has made a big mistake, and he is willing to return to you.

Now, this woman did not have to admit that she and your boyfriend had had sex. She probably admitted it to you because she wouldn't want you to tell her husband that she was having an affair with your man. Of course, if you were the type of woman who wanted to break up her marriage, you could still tell him, but I hope that you won't. If you had to put this man's belongings into garbage bags, it means that he didn't even have a suitcase. You have humiliated him. He has told you that he is sorry for his behaviour.

If you believe that he is penitent and that he would not repeat what he has done, and if you feel that you should give him a second chance, follow your heart. I know some people may tell you that you should never forgive him, but I say, follow your heart. It is not everything you should throw into the garbage bin. There is a place for forgiveness, so think about it. But no one should force you to do what you don't want to do.

Pastor