Girlfriend is pregnant for another man

Dear Pastor,

I am 26 and I am a hard-working man. From I was 19, I was going with a girl. I gave her some of what I was earning. For her birthday, I gave her a phone.

When she was 20, we left the country to live in Kingston. We come from the same district. The people in that area are not progressive. They used to say that I am a show-off.

We came to Kingston and were staying with my brother. My girlfriend got a job and soon after, I got a job too. We rented a place and were living on our own.

Then my girlfriend started to change. She was not listening to me as before. And every weekend she wanted to go out.

I got a better job with a security business and when I was at work, my girlfriend was out with friends.

The people in the community told me that a man was always dropping her home. I asked her if it was true and she said it was one of her co-workers.

I put two and two together and found out who he was. Then she told me that she was pregnant. I knew it couldn't be for me, because I was not discharging in her.

I was always pulling out and at one time, she said I was wasting my seed.

COULD NOT FIND HER

Pastor, I knew the child wasn't mine. One day I went to work and when I came home, she wasn't there. I called her number and I couldn't find her.

My brother's girlfriend told me that my girlfriend did not know how to tell me that it was not my child.

I told her to tell my girlfriend to come and see me, as I would not hurt her.

My brother and his girlfriend accompanied her and she begged me to forgive her. She said she made a mistake and that she didn't love the man who got her pregnant.

She said that sometimes when I was at work, she was lonely and that is how she got pregnant.

She said she was going to give the baby to the man. Pastor, I told her she could come back after she had the baby, which is due in late August.

This girl and I don't have any children together. I was not ready for a child. I am wondering whether I should allow her to keep the baby and we could try to start over.

My brother's girlfriend told me that I should either break up with her totally or start all over again with a new woman. My brother said she could give up the baby to the real father.

I am confused because I really love this girl. Do you think I can give her another chance?

Y.L.

Dear Y.L.,

Many women play tricks on men who do security work. They are aware of the long hours these men work, so they cheat on their men.

I believe that you love this young woman and that you were trying your very best to show her love and to take care of her. But perhaps coming into Kingston has really spoilt her, in the sense that she felt that she was restricted while living in rural Jamaica.

But now she has come into the light, so to speak, and she was going to enjoy herself.

This woman knew that you didn't get her pregnant. Although you practised the withdrawal method, it is not a safe method for couple to use.

But she knew that you were not the biological father. The question is, does she deserve a second chance?

Suppose you were off the island for a couple of months? Would she have established a permanent relationship with other men?

Your concern, however, is how to deal with the child. This matter is deeper than you may think, because the man who impregnated her may claim his child and will always be communicating with the mother, because they have a child together. Therefore, you will have to decide whether you can deal with that.

I can only say to you that you have to make your own decision because whatever happens, you have to live with that decision.

Perhap s you may wish to make an ap pointment with a family counsellor and you and your girlfriend can go to see him/her.

Pastor