My babyfather is great but I like my co-worker

Dear Pastor,

I think I am somewhat in a love triangle with a guy I met a couple of months ago and my babyfather.

My babyfather and I have been together for more than 10 years, on and off. We have been together from high school.

Two years ago, I got pregnant by him after a six-month break. I still think he got me pregnant on purpose. When I found out that I was pregnant, I was frustrated and disappointed.

We both decided an abortion was not an option. During my first trimester, he was very supportive, he would try to make it for all my doctor's visits, and he ensured all my doctor bills were paid; but emotionally, he was not there.

I worked all the way up to my third trimester even though he asked me to stop. I couldn't stop because the bills had to be paid and he was not in a position to take on all the responsibilities.

At one point, I kept thinking that all this man wanted was sex because he never offered to massage my swollen feet or give me a back rub or even a simple kiss on the belly or make much of the baby while in my tummy. But whenever he came over, he wanted sex.

To make matters worse, my friends threw me a baby shower and he stopped his family from coming and he didn't bother to show up because persons were telling him that the child was not his. That hurt me so much. I have never cheated on him but I do keep more male friends than female friends.

After the baby was born, we broke up and I remained single for more than a year until I met this guy at work. At first we were just friends until we started hanging out more.

While getting to know each other, I realised that he was damaged because he was hurt by his first love and swore never to love again. But I still went head over heels for him.

Everything was going well until he started demanding more of my time, which I would love to give, but was unable to because I had a child to take care of and a very time-consuming job.

So, we decided to just remain friends. Since my child was born, my child's father has been and is still supportive of our child.

Recently, we had a chat and rekindled the fire between us.

Things are not 100 per cent better but it's a work in progress. I am trying to let go of the other guy but it just gets more difficult every time I see and talk to him, and I can't avoid not seeing him because we basically work at the same place.

I really hope things work out between my babyfather and me because I want my child to grow up with both parents.

My babyfather and I only spoke about marriage once before I got pregnant. He asked if I would marry him and, of course, I said yes. He is very ambitious and hard-working.

He gets an OK salary, maybe 40 per cent more than I earn, and he gives me money for myself sometimes. But when he does, it's nothing more than $5,000. We support our child equally.

I try not to pressure him because he is the eldest for his parents and he tries to help out his siblings and parents and is always looking for new ways to make money, most of which fail.

His neighbours rob/sabotage him and his family every chance they get. I am also struggling in this area because whenever things don't work out for him, or whenever he doesn't have any money, he shuts me out completely and I really don't know how to get through to him.

I have tried talking to him and also assist financially when I can, but so far it hasn't got anywhere.

I am looking forward to your reply, and thanks in advance.

- Initial withheld

Dear Writer,

If you are serious about life and you want to establish a good relationship with your child's father, stop playing around with your co-worker.

Your child's father knows that you are playing around. Stop trying to wear the pants. You say he is a good man and every good man has faults; just like every good woman.

You would not find a perfect man. So, I repeat, end the relationship with the man at your workplace.

Forgive your child's father for the mistakes he has made and ask him to forgive you for yours. Get closer together. Plan together and marry this man.

Pastor