Son, girlfriend want me out of their lives

Dear Pastor,

I have three children. The second and third children are by my husband. The father of my first child has supported him all these years. The boy is now 19 years old. He and his father get along like brothers. He is working and he has a girlfriend. I like the girl. She comes to our house. She has fitted in very well with us. She doesn't have a job, but my son gives her what he can afford.

My daughters like her. She is very bright. Sometimes when she comes, she helps them with their schoolwork. She has good brains. She is good at mathematics.

My son told me that he wants to move out and go and live with this girl. I have been discouraging him, but he is not listening. He says she is unhappy at home because of the condition under which she lives. She wants to have her own room, and where she lives, everybody packs up together. My son is making only $18,000.00 per week. I have been showing him that rent is going to take away a big slice of that money, plus he would have to support his girlfriend until she gets a job.

UPSET Girlfriend

I thought I could reason with him as a mother, but he told his girlfriend what I said. So, she is vexed with me and has stopped coming to my house. So, I called her and she said she understands what I am saying. She thinks, at the same time, I have to get out of their lives. Since she told me that, my mind has turned against her. And I am getting it from both sides because my son is upset with me. He cannot see that I am trying to protect him.

Pastor, please tell me where I went wrong. I have not even told his father that he is planning to move and go and live with this girl. His father saw pictures of the girl and he likes her.

M.H.

Dear M.H.,

You do not have to worry about the advice that you have given to your son. It is true that he is an adult, but he is still very young and he has to understand that if he moves out too soon and takes on the responsibility of a woman and be in charge of his own home, life may become very burdensome to him.

Right now, all he can see is having this beautiful woman and living with her and cohabiting, etc. I think what you should do is to be silent. You have given him advice, but don't let him get the impression that you do not like the young woman. She was rude to you by telling you to get out of their lives. Don't turn against her.

Whenever your son is ready to leave, if you can afford to give him something to help to set up his house, do so. And tell your daughter-in-law that she should feel free to call on you at any time. You should also encourage your son to discuss with his father the plans he has to go on his own. Remember that although he would be making a mistake, he is an adult and he should make his own decisions.

Pastor