My man got my friend pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am 45 and I am with a man. We have two children together. But he went outside our union and got my friend pregnant. So, the relationship is not as good as before.

He blamed me for what happened. But I do not accept that. This woman and I have always been friends. When she got pregnant, I did not know that he was the one who got her pregnant. Both of them decided to keep that as a secret because she had her boyfriend.

This woman is a nurse and she was always trying to get pregnant and nothing was happening. She was jealous of the relationship between me and my children's father. I went abroad to spend two weeks with my uncle and his wife and my friend slept with my children's father while I was away.

If you were to see her child, you wouldn't have to question who is the father. The boy is the spitting image of my children's father. When she got pregnant, she 'gave the belly' to her boyfriend. He accepted her pregnancy. He was so happy to believe that he finally got her pregnant until she gave birth and he took the baby to visit his mother and grandmother. When they looked at the child, they told him that the boy was a jacket. He could not believe it because the child was already registered in his name.

This girl confessed to me that she went to bed with my man four times during the period I was away and she is begging me to forgive her. My children's father admitted that it was hard for him to resist her because she came onto him very strongly. I have forgiven him and whenever I am buying stuff for my children, I buy for the little boy. But I find it hard to forgive his mother. I would not have done that to her. There is no way I would have gone to bed with her man. Sometimes she calls me and I try to be nice on the phone with her, but I am only pretending. She still lives with her man but they are not sleeping together. That is what my children's father told me. But because the child is in the guy's name, he supports him. That is their business. She is not going to get my man to be her husband. Not over my dead body.

F.J.

Dear F.J.,

I don't understand why your children's father is blaming you for what he has got himself into with this other woman. What is he trying to say, that you should not have gone on vacation for a couple weeks? And if you were here, he would not have had an affair with your friend? That is just rubbish. He did what he wanted to do. He could have protected himself and protected the woman. But he probably felt that because she had been with a man and was not able to get pregnant, he would have been safe. I don't know. I am just trying to figure this thing out because your man is talking rubbish.

This young woman was jealous of you. So she wanted a child and your man fell into her trap. You have forgiven your children's father and I hope the time will come when you will forgive the other woman, too. She is a wicked woman and I believe that she knew from the time she got pregnant that it was your children's father who impregnated her.

If you want to save your relationship with your man, I suggest that you and your children's father go to see a family counsellor and discuss this problem. I hope that the man who is supporting the boy might continue to do so and that he would not throw the woman out in the cold. But he, too, should seek professional counselling.

Pastor