Husband likes walking around naked

Dear Pastor,

I am 33 and I am the mother of two daughters. I am married, but my husband is not the girls' father.

When I met him, I had been a Christian for seven years. So we did not live together. I was living at my mother's house and my girls were there with me. This man started attending my church and he behaved as a Christian. I told him no sex until we are married and he agreed. After a year of friendship, we got married. He is 45, but he does not conduct himself like a grown man, and he exposes himself to my children. I spoke to him about it repeatedly. I told him that at least he should have on his underpants.

Sometimes he just walks out of the bedroom in the nude and the children are around. He said that we are a family, so he doesn't always have to have on clothes. My mother told me that I could send the children back to her and she would keep them. I told him we should go for counselling, but he said nothing is wrong with him, and nudity is not something to be shunned. I told him that was not the way I was raised. When we are making love, he talks a lot and he does not care if the children are not sleeping. I told him that he is a sick man. He said he made a mistake by marrying me. He stopped attending my church. His big thing is to try to get me pregnant, but because of the type of man he is, I am using protection; he is not aware of it. I could never continue to live with a man who does not have respect for me and my children.

My pastor said that I am already in the marriage, so I should try to let it work. But this man has refused to go for counselling. A few times when he is upset, he uses expletives. How could I have a man who claims to be my husband using 'f' words in the house? I really don't know what to do. My pastor came to the house and tried to talk to him, but when the pastor left, he cursed me and reminded me that the house is his and he doesn't want any pastor to come there. He said that if I want to meet with the pastor, I can go to his place, but he should not come back to his house. This is a relationship that is not going to work.

I want my girls to be with me, but at the same time I cannot have them in the house with my husband exposing himself to them and cursing expletives. Their father and I broke up after he went to the States and married an older woman to get his green card. He supports the girls. I thought that when I met this man and he told me how much he admired me, and wanted to marry me, we were going to live a good life; but it is not working out that way.

Please give me your advice.

G.M.

Dear G.M.,

This man has deceived you and that is unfortunate. You really believed him. I know that you would say that you could not do better, and it does not appear as if you could have.

He is a very wicked man. He does not have good morals. While I was reading your letter, I thought of a lady I met some years ago, whose daughter fell in love with an English man. She moved out of her mother's home and went to live with this man. Her mother told me that she went to visit her daughter and she was so shocked to see her daughter parading in the nude in front of the man and her. She spoke to her daughter about it and the daughter said that she would have to get accustomed to it because that is how they operate in the house. So her boyfriend walked around in his nude, and her daughter did the same.

My dear sister, there is a time and place for everything. If your husband feels comfortable not wearing clothes, that should be restricted in the bedroom and surely not in front of the children. I think you are a wise woman; you have been trying to protect yourself from getting pregnant by this man. You may have to consider going to see a lawyer.

This marriage is not going to work unless your husband decides to change his behaviour.

Pastor